Afternoon Ms Butterly, How's your day going ? I'm chillin today. I have NO energy whatsoever. I even keep falling asleep here on the couch watching all my Tivo shows.
Have a great afternoon.
Hugs.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
"The morning spouse talked about his misery, I felt such sorrow for his pain. My passive BS meter asked what woman is feeding you those lines."
"Recently he's said we can have nothing that implies we're a couple, since it confuses the children. Not even jointly giving an 18th birthday gift to our son. My BS meter says he's afraid of anything that implies a couple."
I would say he is still blaming you for all his problems. Honestly I am pretty sure he came up with all that.. on his own.
"The bank assured me a glitch in the system had prevented me from logging in.
I have to admit, the thought passed through my mind of passive/aggressive harrassment. However, I figured assume the best, work in a positive manner and let it go."
That was a smart and DB move. Think about it.. no fighting.. no drama.
"It's odd. The concept of detachment was agonizingly painful. The reality of detachment is a dull thud. I start to get riled up, then remember.. he's not worth the effort."
I might say.. you are looking back and making smarter choices. Pain tends to linger when you are in it.. as it starts to heal.. you may feel numb. Eventually the pain fades away.. you can still focus on it and remember what it was like. Use those feelings as a guideline. This sounds much better than the "old" Gypsy.
"This website has become my social life. I figure that's not good."
Its a toss up. Lot of good people here. Are there more effective outlets for interaction.. sure. Use them when you are ready. If you enjoy being here.. by all means.. post away. Just don't let it get bigger than you. I know you have some "outside" friends.. baby steps. You will get there.
"I told my friend I've forgotten how to have fun. I can do things for other people, enjoy activities that other folks invite me to but I can't seem to initiate anything."
I had a problem with this. Most likely you have some issues with generating some fun.. simply because you still might be a little "down". It takes a while.. to get back into it. It will come to you.
"I moved to this area because I couldn't handle the yeah rah rah of Newcomers... Now I feel lonely that not all my buddies post to me. And yet I'm pulling away in a way."
I kinda thrive in the drama. It can get confusing. I don't really think you pulled away.. you just have to give them time to adjust. Heck.. I don't even check on Kalni as much anymore. I still have not gotten used to the move. Plus.. sometimes the drama calls my name. (Add on top of that.. I have been super busy at home.) Sometimes.. we let the ones we love the most flounder.. cause we expect them to know.
"I've been marching forward"
Good for you.. I could not hope.. for anything better.
"I'm making arrangements for the two women I became friends with at a retreat to come to my house in August and watch some chick flicks they say would be great for me."
Making some plans.. Thats good.. A relaxing time will give you something to look forward to.
"I'm still a jumping bean fixer.. but I'm working on it!"
Don't ever stop being a fixer.. just apply yourself when you get the most results.
"Where am I.. pumping gas in a suburbia.. in a place we moved to as newlyweds.. with my children.. which is the greatest gift of all."
So who is winning here? You have done all the stuff people dream of. Had a family.. a home.. a nice car.. a dog. Quite simply.. he is doing it all over again. The sad part about it is.. the odds say.. he will end up right were he stared. Think about it.. 50% of M's fail. 75% of those that remarry fail. Roughly. The one thing I would want to take away from a failed marriage.. is how do I do it right the second time. If I ever walk in your shoes.. I am going to make dam* sure I get it right the next time.
"You must have a really good day planned to sh*t on yourself so early."
Are you related to me? That sounds like something I would say. That guy is alright! Is he married.. I know some single.. or soon to be single women. They might have a interest.
The Hospital thing sounds great. Do things for you. Get yourself "fixed" up.
I think you are doing "Well". What more could I ask for. This will get easier.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
The hospital volunteering sounds amazing!! An atmosphere like that and giving to others will definitely help to fill your heart! I think it sounds like the perfect fit for wonderful you!
Spent the day at the hospital, back just long enough for a bite to eat, then off to costume fitting and rehearsal for my daughter. The show will have 600 professional costumes which one of the directors coordinates and a few moms follow in her wake outfitting 70 kids in 25 different vignettes.
These folks like to do it big. Their productions usually cost @ $70,000 and all the performances usually sell out. It's absolutely amazing. My evenings are spent helping out, right now in a jungle of exotic clothing. Pretty neat.
I had a good day at orientation, except when one of the presentations was really dull. It wasn't the presenter's fault that he was more comfortable working behind a screen rather than in front of it. During the lag, my mind wandered to spouse and whirled around in amazement about the reality of it all.
Do y'all talk to folks who are divorced? Some say to drag it out.. other say to get it over with. I don't have a clue.
The checking account is showing the effect of not having his paycheck deposited. What power plays.
Thanks for the replies.. I'll get to them all by tomorrow.
Sweet Dreams Costume Maker. $70,000 Holy Crap. I didn't know your D was on Broadway. I thought you were talking some little neighborhood school play with 12 kids in it. Sheesh. What we have here is a failure to communicate. I need to ask more questions.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I'm not making costumes... except for helping her do a cool hippie thing for Age of Aquarius.. and maybe something else. These costumes are amazing.. so rich with detail... heavy and gorgeous. And you know what we do? Take them on and off kids, take seams in, take them out, take them apart, put them together. It is freaky!
The funniest thing is when the girls have to wear skirts. They put them on and pull them down to their hips. Oh.. no no no, my dears. We have to show them how to have them around their natural waist.. you know, that indent between hip and breast.. and how to pull down the the blouses so they are smooth.
...Do y'all talk to folks who are divorced? Some say to drag it out.. other say to get it over with. I don't have a clue....
I don't have a clue either....All I know is dragging it out and staying in the house has allowed me to accept this (and DB). I will continue to DB after I move out....PATIENCE....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I thought you were talking some little neighborhood school play with 12 kids in it. Sheesh. What we have here is a failure to communicate. I need to ask more questions.