I wasn't questioning whether a letter should be written or not. I wanted to help CM contemplate the reasons for sending it in the first place.
IMHO sending a letter can be very healthy. You get thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It doesn't matter if the other person reads it or not. It doesn't demand a response like a phone call implies. It can be tucked away and saved for years, or thrown away. It cannot be misquoted like a conversation can be. The peace sometimes comes that you did the right thing, regardless if the other person reads it or not.
I did this recently with an adult son that has cut off all contact with me. I felt a desire to reach out to him, to let him know I loved him and I was committed to doing whatever possible to repair any damage I had caused in our relationship. I started out by saying that I was writing to let him know my feelings and if he didn't care and wanted to read no further and throw the letter in the trash it was his perogative. I stuck it on the windshield of his car at work.
I don't know if he got it, maybe even the wind took it away and he never saw it. But for me it has brought peace. Those thoughts of doing something, saying something, taking the initiative and breaking the silence are answered. For me, I can say I did the right thing and let it go. Peace. Leave the rest up to God.
CM, I just want you to identify the why first. Then everything else will follow. An old quote comes to mind, "If you don't know where you are, you'll never know where you are headed".
I've also heard prudent suggestions of going ahead and writing the letter, then putting it away for a week. After a week, pick it back up and see if it still needs to be sent.
