What to do when you miss your cheating W?

[HopefultotheEnd]

I'm still working on being able to be happy AT ALL. I've been pretty sucessful. (BTW I did tale a mototcycle course, and bought a motorcycle! It helps.) I've gotten to a point where I can enjoy myself most of the time. Usually the lulls in my day are hardest when I have time to think. Sometimes the thinking is good others not so much. Worst for me is that my thoughts will often snap back to my sitch for a moment, no mater what I'm doing. It sucks because I can be having a great time and I'll suddenly feel some negative emotion...(they vary). I can put it aside and continue to have fun but it does disrupt my "flow". I don't think I truly relax much.

So no I'm not really happy with my life.

Summary is that my W moved out to a single room in a shared house leaving me with D4 and D9 "While she gets "space". OM#1 lives a few hours away (PA 100% confirmed) OM#2 also lives over an hour away(EA 100% not sure if PA).
Thread 1, Thread 2, Current thread.

My W tells me she doesn't know what she wants and that she doesn't know if these were the right decisions. In the month leading to her move she hinted multiple times that she would want to "date" me and/or that she might want to move back in months down the road. The day she left she told me that she loved me. Sunday she said it too but veiled behind saying it for the girls. We hug and kiss pretty much each time we see each other (3 or 4 times a week). There are no papers. We've discussed and she doesn't want to go there yet. I might be leaning toward a LS. I'd prefer to let the whole filing be on her...but I can't wait forever. She gave me the impression early on when I found out about the OM that she feels they are not good future material. (Lots of partying etc.) But that they are fun and attractive. I actually think she is adicted in some ways to contact with them.

The cheating bothers me not in the way that I think it should. I'm detatched enough to not be as jealous as I am rejected that she could have me as much as she wants. Yet my physical needs push me to continue intimacy with her.

I also agree that in the long run it might be best to hold off but it would hurt me to do so. In a way I need to have that closeness with her. (I don't read into it though) My feelings towards her change every five minutes...I just don't know.

Just an ironic note. W became obsessed with my motorcycle, took the class too and just bought a bike. Talk about Copycat! I'm a bit sad that's its not "MY" thing anymore it does give us something in common.

I have been finding a strange peace emotionally...like a numbness when something that would normaly really hurt washes over me and is only irritating. Of course if you don't like how I'm feeling just wait five minutes.