More and more I'm believing that those kinds of emails or letters really don't do much of anything one way or the other. The fog is so heavy, and her thoughts are so focused on herself, that your opinions and words just don't have that much of an effect.
The good news is that I think that means you don't have to worry about the email.
There was a lot of the "little boy" in that backhanded comment about morning sickness. Those kinds of comments are beneath you, even on your most frustrating days. That's the kind of stuff you think and then swallow before it can come out.
My ex was also sick quite frequently. Let's face it, they are a mess out there, regardless of all the "fun" we think they are having. You would hope that a person could not rip a family apart and float through their existence without a care.
The man taking the high road notices that she's looking under the weather and asks how she is. Maybe comments that she doesn't look well. Then he leaves it alone.
The man taking the high road does not feel the need to justify his remarks with an email, because he speaks with integrity, and is confident of the words coming out of his mouth. He refuses to allow this person who has given him the greatest hurt of his life the power to deliver any further hurt.
You keep telling yourself, she is lost, she is screwed up, and I did NOT cause this, nor is our marriage the reason. She has allowed herself to believe otherwise, but that does not make it so. She has shut me out of her life, so I can't help her. But I would if I could because I do love her and remain committed to her well being.
Our daughter deserves a healthy mother AND father, so I will do what she allows me to do. But I won't wait around for those opportunities, nor will I humiliate myself by begging for them. But I will let her know that I remain here, for the time being anyway, ready to help. Because my love compels me to do this, and my daughter deserves it.
Enjoy the good moments and do your best not to taint them. Lord knows it's hard given the way they behave sometimes. Everytime you have a successful interaction with her, do something nice for you and/or Abby to celebrate. Make it a goal to have every interaction fall into that good category.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I understand what you are saying. And I see your point about the "little boy" comment, but I really do think its a possibility. My W and I had been going out for a month when she told me to was pregnant from one-nighter a month before we started going out. Two years into our relationship she got pregnant. She's always been very irresponsible when it comes to birth control so I actually thought it was a possiblity. Maybe I could have brought it up at a better time.
You are right about celebrating successful interactions. I do focus on that or at least try to. Thanks.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
That was followed by a call to my cell (I couldn't answer since I sell on the phone all day) and then a call to my direct line. I answered it and she was kinda cheery and talked about her parking tickets, a mutual friend of ours, how she's going to a BBQ tonight and then Abby. Very receptive. Maybe this DB thing is actually working....i'm very pessimistic.
Actually I think it was the shirtless body from yesterday...haha.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
Just don't get your hopes up AD. Although it is very nice just prepare yourself for her to retreat once again! But take every good encounter with the W and run with it while you have it. Enjoy it for what it is and then just tell yourself not to get all hyped up about it.
Oh I know. These are good signs but I know its not even a beginning. I was at my IC today and she asked me what I would do if W wanted to try. I was like, "I just wants us to be friends first. I don't know where I want to go from there. Honestly, I don't want to think about anyone (W or another) until the end of this year. I had my run-in and all it proved is that I need a break.
The main reason I'm happy about these baby steps is that she's starting to seem normal again. But who knows.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
Quiet couple days with Abby at Ws house. W did have to call me at 10:30 on Tuesday nite because Abby wouldn't sleep. Of course daddy got her to go to bed. Then I spent the last two days arranging for Abby's B-day in August. Who would have thought that I would be doing things like this. W always did it but no more. Its actually kinda fun!
So I'm finally into reading again. Read a book last week and am reading one this week. Shows that my mind can finally focus on things other than the life issues. Also, last week I gained 2 lbs (oh know!!!) but I've stepped up the training. Jogging at lunch and weights afterwork. I should be down 5 lbs this week...i alway weigh in Thursday after work. The it should be 15lbs to go for the $1K by October 6th.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
W dropped D off and after a while I was getting D a popcicle. I told her I was taking her out to dinner and I said "You're lucky, you get to go to dinner two nights in a row"
D said "I didn't go to dinner last night"
I said "with mommy and M and M (her 2 friends)"
D said "we stayed at home and then when they went home Ricky (OM) came over"
Hmmm. That was the one boundary I gave W when she moved out. She said okay. So I called her and asked her about it. She was like he was only there for 15mins....I was calm but I said "that was the one thing I asked of you and you agreed". Then it got a little more intense and I said I'm not upset but I know you guys are dating. She said were not.
Then she asked me about OW and I said fine, its true...it was one time (which is was) and that was it. She said who? I said it doesn't matter and that you still won't admit you're dating. I said "honestly, I'm not going to loan you the money now so ask him." I was really calm and not upset, but I just went out on limb to offer her friendship and then I find out about this. Its typical. Time to go dark....very dark.
M 35 W 28 D 4
Bomb 4/28/08 Found out about PA 05/14/08 Separated 5/25/08 (not legally)
