No problem on the (household stuff). But what are you talking about in the airline ticket? What do you mean you need to see one of them? I know full well what this weekend is but I don't know what to say there.
3:00 AM? I'm sorry you could not sleep.
I just responded;
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I need to see confirmation for your flight out of Tijuana to Cabo on Friday.
From his response, I think he was relying on changing the trip to another location than the one I said if he wasn't going alone, I would end it. He never said he was going to Cabo alone, just Sinuola, so didn't lie about it. That's been the pattern so far.
It'll be interesting to see what he comes up with.
I'm so sorry. He's a certified d$ckhead...but that doesn't make the hurt go away, does it?
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I haven't responded yet, I'll wait until I'm a little more calm.
Do you need to respond at all, or is this a time to just go as dim as possible, and really hold to it. I'm afraid my memory is foggy; have you ever done that for a fairly prolonged period of time, or has it more typically been a short-term action that has served as your part of this painful dance with H?
What do you want to do? Are you feeling prepared to call his bluff and actually move forward with filing, or was that more part of the aforementioned p$issing contest(and with as big a d$ck as he seems to be, you ain't ever gonna win that one !!)
If you really are ready to follow through, okay...but don't feel like you have to because you spouted that off to H.
Doesn't mean you can't still set other types of boundaries to help you regain your balance, or say some of the things that I bet Puppy will suggest when he shows up...but you don't have to file if that's not what you want/are ready to do right now...
Your H's MO is so different from mine...and I really think there is still more to work with for you than me, partly because of your dynamic.
Forgot to add that H showed up at the house early on Weds, when he knew I'd be @ S's Jiu Jitsu & was sitting at my computer when I came in.
"Sorry, I had to get on your computer to "put out some fires." (S5 wanted to see the fires that he was putting out :))
I had a feeling he might do that & erased the history before leaving. Checked the history after he left & found "My computer". Looks like he may have re-checked 3rd party access, so I un-checked it.
Sunny,
Still trying to read up on your sitch, but this jumped out at me. Be careful, as he may have installed a keylogger on your computer.
Funny, but I'm feeling strangely calm right now. Had a brief period right after the last e-mail where I wasn't (poor CVA) & then it was over. I guess b/c it's taken another step towards disrespectful & I'm worth more than putting up with that.
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Do you need to respond at all, or is this a time to just go as dim as possible, and really hold to it. I'm afraid my memory is foggy; have you ever done that for a fairly prolonged period of time, or has it more typically been a short-term action that has served as your part of this painful dance with H?
Your memory serves you well L, (don't you love the sound of that!) I've let myself get sucked right back in fairly quickly.
I think no response is best, although I just got this;
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Here is a copy of my flight info. Hope you are up to speed in your spanish.
I couldn't open the attachment (he knows I can't access my Office Windows right now), so sent it to someone who could. It's a copy of his ticket in Spanish, leaving from San Diego. What's the point to sending that?
I stopped by your thread, as you asked, and read this most recent one fully. You said you needed some help setting boundaries, and I'm trying to clearly understand what the issues are.
1. Has your husband admitted to an EA? A PA? Denied either?
2. What is this "offer" he keeps hanging over your head?
3. What proof do you have that he is having an affair with this woman? Does he know what your sources of intel are?
4. What boundaries have you previously stated to him? Which have been kept, which have been violated, and what were the consequences for him violating them?
I'm sorry for your pain. I was in the middle of all of this at this very time last summer, and it's horrible.
Thanks for coming by Puppy, the first 5 months or so of my threads had to be deleted, as a friend's WAH had access to my information & I didn't want to chance him passing it along.
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1. Has your husband admitted to an EA? A PA? Denied either?
When he moved out 14 months ago on the day of the bomb, he said there was no affair. Two months later I have evidence there is, he comes semi-clean & admits one, but says it started 1 month after we separated.
Many lies later, with him saying he either had or was going to break it off w/OW or had already & wanted to R, I told him I wouldn't continue to do thing's with him (including ML)as long as he had an affair going on. There are no more kisses/hugs, etc. either.The big distance away from me was after I called OW when I discovered she was on a trip w/him, after telling me he broke it off w/her telling her she should ask him for the truth. I guess it wasn't as easy to keep me under wraps after that.
Since then, he tries to keep his foot in the door with inviting my family & friends to spend time with him & S5, buying expensive items for my S16 & doing favors for me.
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2. What is this "offer" he keeps hanging over your head?
When he senses I'm moving on, he gets out "The Offer", which is what he's willing to give me if we D. He hasn't filed & still lives in the guest house of another property he owns.
The pattern has been, when he is getting ready for a trip w/OW, he starts talking about moving into a more suitable/permanent place. I guess that way, if I call her again, he can say he told me he was moving forward toward the D & I'm just the LBS unable to let go.
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4. What boundaries have you previously stated to him? Which have been kept, which have been violated, and what were the consequences for him violating them?
The first boundary was last Thanksgiving, when I discovered OW was going with him to Hawaii for 8 days & I said if he went on the trip, I wouldn't stay in the marriage. He cancelled it the day before, spent Thankx w/me, but left right after to spend the rest of the holiday w/her. I'm pretty sure she never knew why he called off the trip.
After that, he would lie & make it appear that he wasn't seeing her. When I would discover it wasn't true & it looked like I may move on, he would start telling me he was going to start having S5 more, move, give me "The Offer", etc. until I was a little more friendly. It's been wash-rinse-repeat since then, although I've been closing the door more & more.
I've just now firmly stated the boundaries & told him the consequences.
I don't know if that's enough to understand the issues.
!!)