Is it true?

[stella_k]

trying to resolve anything while living apart like this is like trying to catch a greased pig--pretty unproductive.

(((((SMW))))), what a great analogy !

Well, update:

H called.

We spoke about D's acceptance (he brought it up, probably was trying to keep to a safe topic). I was friendly and calm, he sounded nice and warm, called me my pet name again. Then I asked: what's with OW?

H: it's pretty bad...
Me: How bad exactly?
H: Well, I couldn't manage to stay away from her... It's like heroin addiction.
Me: I know, it must be really hard. So what did you tell her?
H: I told her I'm going to work on my M. If you still want me to.
Me: What is it YOU want, H?
H (sounds very childlike): I just want my home... It feels so good when I'm talking to you. It feels SAFE . I thought you were going to tell me it's over this time (Yesterday I yelled that he was given a deadline and he cannot extend it, terrible DBing, I know).
Me: I felt so yesterday, I thought I couldn't take it, but today I'm still standing. And I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday. I was mad, but I shouldn't have called you names.
H: YOU don't have to be sorry!
H: BTW, you were right, Ow was there in the room with me when you called. It was the first time she came over since I've returned.
Me: I wish you'd have told me. It wouldn't have been that bad if you'd try and tell me the truth.
H (sounds relieved): I'm sorry.

Then we just spoke about D17.
Oh, and H called twice after that, just for a moment, with small bits of news.
It looks like I'm going home after all.

I must admit, though, that yesterday was the WORST day since Bomb 1. I couldn't sleep, I literally felt sick, the hollow feeling in my stomack has returned (I haven't got any panic attacks since being on meds).

Was it because my expectations were running so high recently?

I'd never imagined it'd be like this after 2 years! I should have been detached and calm and... and CALM.

Oh well. That's all for now.

(((((((((Everyone)))))))).