stupid question here but I need to know........on AOL IM i put up song lyrics from a song that I feel describes my R with W. i just went to our house (where she lives) and in her computer I found that she searched for the lyrics I had put up to find what song they were from (she never found out)! i like finding out stuff like this because it means she hasn't 100% stopped caring what I do and say, but its just leading me on I suppose. any thoughts ? I know for a fact that any lyrics or quote i put up, she would search google to find out what it was
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
1. My guess is you STILL haven't read divorce remedy. 2. My guess is you still didn't read any of the other books. 3. I get that you are busy and stressed, but they WILL help. 4. Why do we know all of this? Because we READ the BOOKS. lol
Let me send you a few urls, you may find them more inviting than a text book
Advice from the Beautiful Penny Tupy <-- Not sure why this web forum is parsing [censored] as censored, but it is...message me for the address, Penny is beautiful and brilliant, well worth a read!
Buster, you have all these great questions, and we know the answers, but the fact is, for the most part, we are just READING books TO YOU. The next step in your path to maturity is reading on your own.
I have collected some good articles above to give you a boost, but you really need to pick up Relationship Rescue and a few others.
Please read them before you ask further questions, you will find many of your answers in there.
on AOL IM i put up song lyrics from a song that I feel describes my R with W....any thoughts ? I know for a fact that any lyrics or quote i put up, she would search google to find out what it was
Don't say anything to her about it.
Here's your guideline : 1. If she offers you any positive behaviour - take it at face value as an indicator that your efforts are helping AND that she still has doubt buried in her.
2. If she hurls negative crap at you, walls, hopelessness, insults, abuse...brush it off and keep fighting, she's hurt and when she opens her mouth it is hard for her to find anything to tell you that isn't laced in pain.
if its good : believe it - its rare for someone having an affair to be honest and compassionate
if its bad : ignore it - its just her conscience growling misdirected anger
Thanks PB...children have bad experiences all the time that frighten them off...eventually they get back on the wagon after the pain subsides, I view affairs similarly to this.
The child just needs the right encouragement to realize the variables of the event weren't harmful, just the outcome
A young girl had a crash on her bicycle outside my home a week ago while i was gardening with my wife. By the sound of it you would think she ripped her arm out of the socket. She tossed the bike away, KICKED it several times and her dad carried her home while her brother hauled the bike back to their garage.
That SAME AFTERNOON she was zipping along the road again on the SAME bike again as if nothing had happened that morning. lol
Also, sorry for being so long winded, you have experience with drug usage. You can work with that to better understand your sitaution :
1. Did your W or anyone try to get you to stop? How did you react? 2. Did you get negative when people pressured you? 3. How many months did it take for you to stop? 4. What prompted you to stop? 5. How close were you to the drugs when you were using them? Best friend? Won't leave for anyone? 6. Did you deep down WANT help and were just misreable?
1. wife asked me to stop, then changed her mind to "you're gonna have to cut back" all while smoking with me (hypocrite) she says now 'if you can't beat them join them
2. did not get negative
3. when she cheated, i dropped it instantly
4. marriage was going to be over
5. i was close but didn't choose them over human beings
6. wasn't miserable....i smoked to have fun, not to cover up or get away from problems....didn't have any problems....now that I do, i don't smoke.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
went to mediation....told lawyer i didn't want to end this relationship. wife asked if i was "going to fight her on this" I said "well its a matter of opinion but some say you could be fighting me" all in all, i didn't agree to anything at mediation. of course, as soon as it was over, instead of talking to her parents about the meeting, she drove straight to OM's house (i was passing her and decided to see for myself where this guy lives) yes I followed her to see where he lives. I believe I have a right to know, especially if i want to have a word with him sometime. maybe it wasn't right to follow her, but I knew where she was going, didn't care she was going there really, needed to know WHERE the evil lurks. of course she went to him right away because everyone but him is on my side. she's being ultra friendly despite my not wanting D. . . mediator told me I don't have to pay any mortgage if i'm not living there. (sweeeet) i bet that made her shake in her boots. she'll come around, even if its not back to me. MarkF, read those articles, i really appreciate it.. between seeing my son, working midnight to 8am, haven't had time to hit the library. for the first time in 15 years i've been hitting church instead. meeting with the pastor tomorrow. she asked what I had a meeting about, i simply replied "none of your business"
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i believe most of those articles answered my questions, especially Plan A and Plan B. Funny thing, at mediation wife didn't "I want a divorce." she said and I quote, "This is pretty much what I want" I don't need you guys to tell me this time that she's not 100% convinced.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
she had a $h!t eating grin on her face the other day when she said "tuesday this will all be over" I have 2 years to drag my feet (not that I will) but like MarkF said "it's over when I say it's over"
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
