If i want to stay married, should I avoid the D ?

[Trixi]

I'm no expert, but seems to me from reading some WAW threads- they do not appreciate having someone "stand in the way of their happiness". It makes them MORE sure that they have to get away from you because "look how controlling" you are.

She isn't going to fall back in love with someone that is holding her hostage. It will polarize her. You need to recognize that *she* feels like this is her only option. No, you don't have to 'help' her, but don't stand in her way. You can even say "I think our marriage can be saved, but I understand that you feel like this is your only choice. I do not want a D, but I won't stand in your way."

Can you imagine what the OM would say if she goes back to him and says "My H wouldn't agree to *anything*!" OM will take that ball and make you out to be the biggest, most controlling, immature, jerk that ever walked the planet. And then he'll say how *he* would *never* do that. Yuk.

That's my 2cents; FWIW.
Hopefully someone else will chime in; good luck today.