WAW is full steam ahead

[LosingSunshine]

Thanks (((Wifey))).

I too am glad that I am DB'ing and very appreciative of the fact that I found the DR book and this site within a day or two of the bomb drop. Moreso, I am appreciative of all of the support from this community and am forever indebted to all of you.

I must admit though, I still feel like I am in limbo with the various techniques as it has been one fine tight rope to walk. I do think I am hitting a stride with what I am doing. Not sure if it's working but I am not having any backslides at this point.

The process though is frustrating and is by far the most challenging I have ever dealt with. I keep focus on the fact that behind both doors awaits happiness for me, as happiness is already within me and will be with me regardless if we get a D or work things out. I know this. My W hopes that happiness comes after D and feels that there is no happiness to be found in M. She doesn't truly understand that happiness is here in the present, with what you have and what you make of it.

I think on my first thread I posted a quote by DH Lawerence about the search for happiness and how it ends in nothingness because you never realize that you had it all along. People confuse happiness with pleasure but pleasure is transient.

Even my Ws "dear friend/OW??" when we last chatted talked about how happy her life is because her and her partner (at the time??) were able to do x,y,z. Well, all of those things that she thought were bringing her happiness were actually hedonistic/pleasurable activities, materialistic things. The happiness/euphoria that is experienced by purchasing or partaking in the activities is short-lived and must be done over and over again in order to maintain the sensation. Once that cycle takes a down turn then the emptiness and lonliness awaits.

I spent some time several weeks ago reflecting on all of this and how unhappy I had allowed myself to become and how it affected my M. First, I always compared my success to those around me. I was never happy with what I have achieved. That has changed, among many others. And to think, I learned a lot of this from a $3.99 book that my daughter grabbed at TJ Maxx about 2 months before the sitch happened (of course, I didn't read it until after the sithc, D'oh!).

Chris