For the Guy with kids and a WW 6

[hopeful4her]

I want to. I want to.

I just can't get myself to talk to her. I think about it, and the anger starts to build inside of me.

Last night when I go home, I took down the rest of any wedding photos that we had up. Over our piano by the entrance, we hung our Marriage Contract. We got this from a Gary Smalley seminar weekend we attended almost 2 years ago. We had decided to retry our marriage. I had begged and pleaded. After a couple of months, she agreed to maybe give a year.

I only got about 7 months.

After a family dinner, we read the Marriage Contract to our children, we then signed it a and had all of our kids sign it. Even nephew signed it. I had it framed and hung it over our piano, and placed a statue of a man and woman hugging. I forget the name of the sculptor. I have given her several figures of mother, mother and children. From the Christian store.

I put that away in our closet and another set of a collage of photos.

Hard not to notice the Contract missing. She never said anything. I fixed dinner and she got home. We sat down to eat as a family again. This time S14 said grace and prayer. We always hold hands. Quiet night. I answered a few things, but did not really initiate conversation. I notice she is charging her secret phone where charge all of our phones. Is she flaunting it in front of me. We were nice to each other. She told me goodnight at bedtime.

This morning, she tells me good morning and I respond. While in the bathroom getting ready together, I ask her what she wants for dinner. She tells me what she was thinking of having. I listen. Thats all. I make my coffee and make one for her. She leaves before me and tells me to have a good day. I tell her to do the same.

Heading into town(we live in a rural area), I see the local utility service out servicing the electrical lines. About 7 or 8 trucks. They are there nearly everyday. For the last 3 months or so.

That is who OM works for. It triggers something in me every morning. I wonder what it triggers for her. She probably takes it as a sign. Everyday I pass them, I want to blow the trucks up. My anger builds.

I will try a last ditch effort this weekend. We both work on Saturday. I'll have the kids spend the night at grandma's again. I will tell roomie not to make plans that evening. Tell her we need to talk. All night if we have to. At the very least to make plans for her move. What needs to be done. What she needs to do. I will ask her again and call her on my request.

If I can make it that far.

If I want her to talk, I have to stop being so dark with her. I know she knows what I am feeling. She would have said something like, "I guess we are not talking to each other anymore" or "I guess we can't even be friends anymore." What she usually says after we fight and I go quiet on her. She knows what she has said to me.