Mulesqb - Can the sun shine on a donkey's a$$?

[faithisbelieving]

mules...following along. Leading is always a good thing mules, but, as Bill said, to be careful it doesn't become 'controlling'. Part of improving..in our growth and changes...is staying 'attractive' (not just physically). That includes listening and leading.

I have a dog. A rescued greyhound. Sadly, I feel that many times her anger is displaced onto him. Be aware that, again, as Bill mentioned, the dog may become a 'burden' to her. Adding a dog now certainly seems to have been a good choice. Just keep your eyes open.

Finally, as to your reaction to your W. I agree with all. Many of us withhold our feelings fearing that anything we do 'for us' will push them away.

You have a right to express yourself.
She DOES need to know how you feel.

It's the way that you do it that counts. I DO agree that phrases like 'I feel pain when you.....'...are correct ones to use. Next time try more validation. I would NOT react in front of her as much as it seems you did last time. I know it's hard. I've had to run out of the room or head to the BR at times (eg, when my son starts to cry or when my D5 says "let's do things as a family). You must stay strong. Although the phrase is, well, so DB'ish, the next time she says she doesn't love you you may just want to say 'I'm sorry you feel that way'.

Listening now goes so much futher. It's a powerful tool. Look why:
W: I don't love you anymore.
Mules: I"m tired of hearing that...I"m tired of...etc

W: I don't love you anymore
Mules: I"m sorry you feel that way (strong steady appearance). I only want you to be happy. If you are sure about your feelings you are free to leave to find your happiness. I'm here if you need to talk. I'm going to have a catch with X.

You were right, also, in saying that she needs to take care of her own issues. Too many times we try to take those on. She needs to tackle this and the more you allow her to do this...she'll either crash or realize she needs help.

No one said this would be easy or pain free.
FIB