Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

Honestly I have no idea. I sent him home with a card last Thursday night. I had no intention of giving it to him that night, but when he said he was filing the next day, I decided to just do it.

It was one of those long "from the heart" cards, with the overall message being "I Believe In You". I loved the sentiment of the card. It basically reinforced that I believe in him, the person he is, his values, ethics, his strength etc. Then I of course wrote a novel inside saying how I would always be here, this would always be his home. That my belief right now doesn't come from him, it comes from a belief I have in him, me, our history, or future, and a God that wants Marriage to survive in the face of adversity. I told him I'd never stop fighting for him ,and I hoped one day he'd see me as someone he'd fight for again.

Then I signed it....... Forever, Chris.

I honesetly think it could be a combo of things. He's alone for the first time since we separated, my card, talks we have had, and when I told him of all the numerous signs I had gotten (he's always questioning how I can keep fighting when he's given me no hope). So I told him about all of them, then of course while he was here Thursday night when we were outside, I said a prayer asking God for a sign if this marriage would be saved and I was meant to keep fighting, and then there was a huge shooting star. He was there for that.

He is NOT religious at all, but I think it might have even surprise him a bit.

I also believe in the power of prayer and I've been doing it a lot, I have lots of friends and family praying, I've put prayer requests in at church, and just recently in the last couple of weeks my prayers have changed from always being "Please God restore this marriage, touch his heart" to "Please God, bring him to YOU. I pray he will come to know You".

Believe me, if we get through this, I will ASK him what the "turning point" was, because I'm not even sure. And I'm still VERY much teetering on the edge. I mean he could still be planning to file this week. I hope not, but I have no guarentees.

I'm going to try to remain optimistic but try not to crowd him. He won't be having any overnights this coming weekend with the girls due to a huge music festival that he has to work all weekend, so I know he is already really bummed about that. So I expect to see most weeknight visits this week. He's coming again tonight. I think I'll plan to go work in the garden and give them space since I got family time last night.

Chris