Sorry I wasn't there when you found out (damn time differences!). I'm so sorry you are going through this. Seriously, are we married to twins - they are acting in the same way!
Drawing from my experience of finding out about potential ow I was in the same position as you of not having all the facts, I still don't and probably won't get them for a long time. Remember they are in self-righteous mode. What I know didn't work and drove my h further away (maybe further into the arms of ow) were-
-calling his parents and talking to them, it made things a whole lots worse especially as they started speculating and escalated the situation in my mind even more. I know you want her to know how her son has behaved but she probably already does and no matter how much she loves you he is still her son. It won't make a difference to the situation as there is nothing she can do and it will just aggravate your h IMHO.
-how about doing a 180 and let him wallow in his own guilt. If you are angry and react he will just use that to have negative feelings about you and justify his actions. What can you do to let him feel to the full extent of his appalling actions?
- I chased my h for an explanation (quite within my rights as I still maintain) but it got me nowhere. It drove him to have even less contact with me and produced the second bomb as a result.
I just thought I would let you know what happened to me in case it is of any help. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer other than that our spouses are behaving in a despicable way.
The most important thing is to make sure that YOU are ok. I’m here all day if you need anyone.
