H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, One Day,
Thanks for stopping by again! I keep hoping more people on this board will find this thread and give me the benefit of their wisdom!

Yes, it bothers me to think that H might bring OW here again, but realistically I can't stop him from doing so, so why make an issue of it? I need to hunt around more and see if I can find threads that talk about effectively setting boundaries with WAS, as I'm not sure how to do that and still DB properly. When I first found out OW had been here (when I got home six hours or so after she had left my house), I didn't say much, and was DBing like crazy, avoiding saying anything I would regret later, but I'm pretty sure he could see the steam coming out of my ears. He was talking about how he didn't want me to find out right away, and I asked why, and he was saying something along the lines of "I can see why it would be difficult for you to know that she's been here, in your own house..." It was like he could recite all of the correct answers, but he didn't feel like the "rules" applied to him! I couldn't think of anything to say that I thought would get through to him in a positive way, so I just tried to be as noncommittal as possible. I just don't think he would take anything I said to heart unless it was what he wanted to hear.

A couple of other notes about what he is doing...he still puts on his wedding ring every day before he leaves the house, unless he's going to exercise or something (both of us have always taken our rings off before bed every night...early on in our marriage, he thought this was a good thing, as he commented that it causes one to need to give at least a little thought every day to the choice to be married). He even wears it when he is going to be with OW! I don't know if he wears it while he is actually with her or not, as I have never really been anywhere near her or seen them together (unless you count the drive-by of our house that they did together while I was supposed to be out of town in April, but all I really saw was that it was definitely his car and there was a person in the passenger seat, but she had her face turned away from me, deliberately I think; I didn't even actually see him driving, they went by so fast)...but he's always wearing his ring when he comes back from seeing her. (Well, except one time several weeks ago when we were both out of town for the weekend--me for class and him for OW--and his ring was nowhere to be seen when I got home. It made me very nervous while his ring was MIA, but it reappeared when he got back from work the next night. I don't know what he did with it in the meantime, but he has continued to put it on daily, as always, ever since.)

Gotta go to bed...it's 5 a.m. and I'm exhausted. I've been spending a ridiculous amount of time traveling around this board! I have a lot of work to do tomorrow (technically today) and I also need to take one of our 3 cats to a specialist about an eye problem that's concerning our regular vet. Also have an appointment with my psychiatrist.

Onward and upward!
Peace,
Dawn