I'm just chipping in here because I have a sense of similarites here, I maybe way off mark so no offense if you kick me into touch.
I took a major step back from W in the last few weeks, truely let go, didn't shut the door but really dropped the leash and walked away. That combined with moving into my own flat some very good days out doing stuff I loved has given me a new perspective on my situation. It's all about STRENGTH.
I realise now, I forgot about looking after me during our M, I put a great deal of stress on myself working hard to buy us a home, moving to a new country, learning a new language, trying to make new friends and supporting my W who can get a little down about herself and needs a boost, I maybe supported her a little to much, I've learnt now that support can sometimes cross a line I didn't know was there into enabling, which looks like help but isn't. While all of this was going on I did none of the things that top up my strength like time with good friends, sports, travel, adventure. Gradually my strength drained away. I became weak, not many women like a weak man. Add to this my W had a new super job filling her with confidence, plus lack of communication due to long hours of said job, W just saw a weak man, she probably didn't understand why. Writing was on the wall and she turned into a a walkaway. It's not pretty, but that's the way of things. When your W goes when you are already weak, it's a hammer blow that makes you weaker, put me on my knees, took me very close to doing something stupid. The salt to the wound I think is W is angry at me for becoming weak. This may sound a little mad but I think a lot of the disrespect my W showed was a call to action, she wanted me to react to her disrespect with strength to show her the man she knew, the man she trusted and relied on, was still there, instead most of the time I reacted weakly - either anger or just folding. This sounds unfair and harsh but I think it's whats happening. The final slap in the face is the OM, finally I've recovered enough strength to react in a stronger way. But I think mostly likely too late now for me. I don't blame myself, but I have learnt a big lesson, big life lessons usually hurt a lot.
Here's my new rule, I made list of things, actions & people that make me stronger and a list of things, actions & people that sap my strength. The stuff in the weaker column is mainly stuff I have to do work, people you can't avoid maybe. I've been realistic W, given the current situation, is on the sap list.
I try and make sure each day I keep the balance well in favour of the things that give me strength.
I'm just wondering Catfan, if she's been disrespectful to you, has a a new male friend, and you react to that by telling her you are always there for her, you'll be her best friend etc.. Is that the reaction of the strong man she is maybe looking for in you, is that the reaction of someone with self-respect?
I'm wondering if you constantly playing back those last 2 minutes is because your self-respect is annoyed that expressing your love wasn't a show of strength (even if was true), given her actions over the past few months?
