He doesn't see me as holding up well. He told my mom that I have been emotionally unstable for a year now and all I ever do is cry. He sees himself as the victim in this mess.
Hon...just because he says it doesn't mean he believes it. He has to preserve his "dignity"...how could he have a convo with your mom who probably knows it all and come out feeling okay? He knows he's being a douchebag. He really does...but he pushes it down and tries to find evidence that he's really a victim, he's the good guy, right one in the situation.
One of the best things I learned through this process is that just because someone else says/thinks something doesn't make it true.
So glad you are making your home your own. Decorating is fun! My H is gone for the weekend with his dad, and I am doing the same.
BTW, you may want to contact your alarm company to let them know the situation before you go on vacation. I wouldn't put it past his cuckoo little brain to do something like that.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
But he has been telling people (well I remember him telling the MC in 2006) that I am emotionally unstable for awhile. I think that while I believe that I am an emotionally stable person, that he has convinced himself that I am not. I do cry a lot, but gosh I sure am not OW who brings an 11 year old boy with her to talk to her boyfriend's wife. Something sure doesn't sound mentally sound with that.
But anyway....H came in yesterday and was in a happy mood. He told me that I could have the house for the night. So I got to take a bath and sit around in my PJ's! I was so thrilled! He still hasn't moved a thing out of the house. This concerns me.
I just need this week to get over with. I hate that whole feeling of not knowing what is going to happen.
Tomorrow I am going into work to change all of my work stuff to go back to my old name and to be single on the tax forms. I am really dreading this. But, I think it is the last big thing I need to do in means of changing my name.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
One of the best things I learned through this process is that just because someone else says/thinks something doesn't make it true.
Amen to that. I am ALWAYS telling my kids this, just because someone says something, it doesn't make it true.
He needs to believe that you are the bad guy so he can make all of this ok in his own mind. Its not going to last long. As long as he has you to blame right now, its going to be ok...what happens when you are out of the picture and he has to be responsible for his actions? I would imagine it will be OW's fault or the kids or Santa or someone, he just isn't mature enough to accept responsibility, not your problem. I also tell my kids and my co-workers that there are: Y Ps and M Ps (Your problems and my problems) don't make y ps m ps.
You have done so well in all of this and should be proud of the way you have conducted yourself. Just keep up the good work and enjoy the hell out of Disney.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
He's rewriting history so he can not feel quite as guilty. It's a psychological defense mechanism, not the truth. Don't let it phase you. Most people will be able to tell the truth.
(((Sara)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Not much to report today, although I am getting tired of telling people that I am divorced. You know men don't have to go through this. But it was my choice to change my name back to my madien name. Even having his name attached to mine makes me ill. So I spent yet another day going into work and various places filling out all the paper work I need to be single for taxes and have my name changed. And everyone needs to know the reason why....and they always say, "oh did you get married?" And then when I say "no divorced." I think they are embarassed.
My Dad and I were talking about my H and his money and the joint account (which he did close right after I talked to him). He said how it would have been funny if I had taken the money out and when he got mad about it if I would have said, "it is in my name. it is the law.." (you know just like he said over and over again in regards to staying in the house). That would have been funny. However, I feel good about not being as low and immoral as him.
Haven't seen or talked to H in 2 days. Feels really good. Talked to my friend (who I haven't seen in over 2 weeks....so this is not a serious thing at all) yesterday. He is super busy with work, but still wants to see me now and then.
I have the rest of today, all of tomorrow and all of Wednesday until H has to be out of the house. The locks are getting changed on Thursday.
Overall I am feel good and I could be wrong...but is that a small little light I am starting to see in this tunnel?
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I just try to make them feel comfortable. When they apologize, I say "Oh thank you" and change the subject. Heck, I am getting divorced, and I don't know what to say to people getting divorced. Think of people that haven't ever been through this!
Quote:
Overall I am feel good and I could be wrong...but is that a small little light I am starting to see in this tunnel?
I think so. I know its still so hard, but if we can start, little by little, to feel joy again.....its a start.
You sound so good Sara. I think you are beginning to feel that sense of relief that I have been feeling. It is good not to be in the middle of all the drama isn't it?
Hang in there...1 more day....I, too, found it hard to explain being divorced. It wasn't my doing, and it aggravated me. So I came up with this..when I tell people now, usually they'll quickly say "Oh, I'm sorry"...to which I add (w/a huge smile)...
"Don't be. Picked the wrong guy, gave him the wrong finger"...
Hang in there...1 more day....I, too, found it hard to explain being divorced. It wasn't my doing, and it aggravated me. So I came up with this..when I tell people now, usually they'll quickly say "Oh, I'm sorry"...to which I add (w/a huge smile)...
"Don't be. Picked the wrong guy, gave him the wrong finger"...
At least it usually makes us both laugh!
Kerry
ROFLMAO...thats a great response Kerry!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
