I understand what you are saying but am I not allowed to vent frustrations? I am not saying any of these things to him and I have been very respectful in the last two conversations we have had. I am even trying to find a way to bring up my marriage issues in a respectful way so that when we go to counseling he does not think I am attacking/nagging him like usual. I really am trying to change. I think before I speak or text him and have been doing well in my opinion. I am just using this board as place to vent my feelings just like a journal. Just because I say something here does not mean I am saying it in real life. I understand that how I think can and will affect the way I talk to him but sometimes (like yesterday) I just need to rant.
Also I am a little confused about this surrenduring thing. How am I supposed to deal with his negative behaviors like drinking? Going out until all hours of the night? Etc? I see that after awhile of me being respectful and our home feeling safe to him again he might naturally drop these habits but how do I cope until that day comes? I don't approve or respect him going out drinking. do I fake it? Say "have a good time honey" when inside I am furious that he is leaving me? I guess these are hypothetical since I am not even living with him right now but you know what I mean. How do you weed out the negatives while remaining respectful?
For example: He told me that we should not ride together to counseling because he has to be out of the apartment that day and needs to go home and clean. I said okay. He got approved for a house loan but has not purchased a home yet and as far as I can tell has not really been looking all that hard which is a good sign because I do not want him buying a house! However he is moving in with a friend and his family Friday I guess because he has nowhere else to stay right now. Eventually he plans on either buying a house and renting to his friends or at least renting an apartment with his friends. I see both plans as bad because it will be harder for us to get back together if he is sharing a house/apartment with his friends. First of all it would be hard to find any privacy if we were to date each other and secondly (especially if a house is involved) he will be in a long term situation that does not include me. Does that make sense? However I am trying to stay positive and not bitch at him and give him the freedom to make his own choice. I sent him an email awhile back saying that I was not going to file papers and that instead I was simply going to trust that he would do the right thing. Which I have been. I have been asking questions and being supportive. I am proud of the way I have been handling it. But when we get to the nitty gritty in counseling I am not going to lie and say "its fine that he is living with his friends instead of me"
Sorry. . .this is a long post and it is not making very much sense. If you can sort it out please offer advice. I'm too tired to edit right now.
