Trixi trying to find moorage

[NikB]

Ahh Trixi... a direct quote from my H on bomb #1 day:

"I always did was I was supposed to do not what I wanted to do. What I was supposed to do."

Sounds familiar, huh?

Yesterday he warned that he "can't promise if you moved back in, everything would be perfect".

Well I'm sure glad he realizes that!! It will NEVER be perfect - it's life, it's not gonna happen. Glad he knows that.

This whole thing is so odd. There's no OW. (Except music.)

That you know of.. I hope you're right though.

So, is it really that terrible that I am giving my H space while letting him still see me? Am I really that big of a sucker and is he that big of a cake eater? Or do we have something special and it's off track right now?

Can anyone think of any other DBers who have/had a similar situation as me?

Mine's been pretty close, I think. At the beginning there was his "friend" - definitely an EA. He still to this day swears it was never an actual relationship beyond a friend although I think that's BS. But anyway, my H's main "issue" wasn't an OW, it was more just "not happy being married, didn't do it because I WANTED to get married but it just seemed like the next step, didn't know what I wanted," etc. So my H is more like yours in that he wanted out either way - oW or not. And yet spent a lot of time with me, kept in pretty close contact, etc.

I think it's like Sara said - it has more to do with YOU and how you feel, than how you're handling things. My biggest concern is that you spend way too much time putting your days/weeks/weekends on hold for him, waiting around to see if he's going to entertain you or not. Seeing him is one thing - letting your life revolve around him when he's so "waffly" is another and that's where I worry for you.

*He wants us to go camping in September. (We spotted an awesome campsite.) He wants me to make reservations. (ie, long range plan)

Why is it always your job to do all the "work" for these plans??

It's great that he's wanting to make long term plans with you - I'm glad to hear it! I don't know exactly how the convo went but based on what I know and on my sitch, I almost feel like you jump so eagerly at any plan he suggests that it might be TOO much. As in it might be sending (or more like reaffirming) that message that you're right there waiting and available anytime he even hints at wanting to do something together. Not only that, you'll even make all the plans!

Make him work for you sometimes. Know what I mean?? He should be "woo'ing" you.

Negative-- in talking about hiking/camping/reservations in September I said "well, remember there is a weekend in there for retro that I want you to consider" and he was like "uh. yeah."

Alright.. you asked.. you indirectly asked again... and you reminded him. Now leave him alone about the Retro!! And meanwhile we'll all keep our fingers and toes crossed for you.

Besides - you're planning the camping trip - you can easily make it NOT on the Retro weekend.

And I am going to a murder mystery party on Saturday night.

Thanks for the big ol' smile!!