No, there is nothing terrible about what you are doing. You are being considerate of your mate. Isn't that what marriage is about? The yardstick to judge that by is not what others think, but by how it feels to you. If it hurts you to give to him without getting back what you are hoping for, then it is not a fair deal. If you can get what you want out of the relationship while also giving him what he wants, then that is a fair relationship for both of you.
Have you read Husband's thread since he returned from his Retrouvaille weekend? He and his wife had lived in almost silence for the past year, and he was asking all of us what she thought that whole time. Now he knows what she thinks and feels and they are both happy to set aside 20 minutes a day to talk about their feelings. His marriage has direction again, and the past is really past. I think Retrouvaille could be just as good for you. It is not just a place to reconcile with your spouse. That is a side effect. It is a place to meditate about your hopes and dreams for your own life and to discuss that with your spouse. If you find that you can still grow together, then reconciliation happens. It could help your husband clarify his thinking about his life and help you see if there is a role for a woman in that future scenario.
