Yep. You have done your way for a long time and even though she is listening to you, she is still seeing the OM....AND I can feel the anger turning up more and more inside of you. It is time to do something different before you get to the "I want her out NOW" and have no feelings left for your wife. Listen to what Puppy said. I like what he said about getting the CLARITY for yourself and pointing it out to her as well.
This is like an ultimatum to you and the idea that you have to do something to follow through is probably scary to you because you feel you may lose her. But, based upon what I said in the first paragraph, I really think you need to say it like Kat said. No more waiting and hoping and being nice. Get the clarity. If she choose x, then y will happen. Every action has a consequence. She needs to start feeling the consequence before she leaves the home and before you despise the even sight of her.
