Too bad I don't think HE knows what he means. He has told me over and over and over and over that he *wishes* he knew what it was he was wanting so that he could tell me and we could address it. As far as him not getting to do what he "needed to do"--I think he means growth. No, I don't know that for sure...I am extrapolating from other conversations. He's all over the map right now.
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That implies that any time in the FUTURE he has some kind of various urges, it is ok for him to "go away" for a while, "get it out of his system", and then come back.
To a degree, I think he is trying to venture down a path he didn't get to take when he was 'responsible' for being the primary breadwinner of the family. He didn't "have as much confidence, but has a lot more now" and he feels like "the universe is lining up things re his music". Actually, he has told me that he felt like he missed out on things because of furthering his career, raising his son, etc-specifically he missed out on pursuing music. He was doing what he was "supposed to do".
If we were to fully reconcile, I would make it very clear that flitting in and out the door to 'get things out of his system' will not be acceptable to me.
He has said many times that he can't go thru this again, so if we get back together, that's it.
Yesterday he warned that he "can't promise if you moved back in, everything would be perfect". I said that I understood that, and in fact, piecing is probably a lot harder than either one of us fully understands; but that's where good communication comes in handy.
Oh yeah, yesterday he also said that he probably looks like he is being selfish- and he guesses he is. And that he hates that he hurts me because when I am sad it makes him sad..sometimes he thinks if it's going to 'be like that' he doesn't want to have to deal with it.
Pretty much all the men I know think I'm a fool.
This whole thing is so odd. There's no OW. (Except music.) There's other DBers (like Butterflymom) who slept with their WAS *while* the WAS had an OW. And they eventually reconciled. So, is it really that terrible that I am giving my H space while letting him still see me? Am I really that big of a sucker and is he that big of a cake eater? Or do we have something special and it's off track right now?
Can anyone think of any other DBers who have/had a similar situation as me?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
