H called last night and denied what I had brought up in the email. I then asked him flat out if he'd had ANY contact with OW in the past few weeks and he said NO. I told him that he's being dishonest and that we cannot repair our M until the lieing stops. I kept repeating this and he kept denying contact with her. I finally told him that I had seen the cell phone bill (which is addressed to me) and that there were calls to her and from her. He said nothing for the longest time and then finally said that the calls were about "business". I told him I didn't believe him and that I obviously couldn't trust him to tell me the truth. He said that he meant everything he wrote in the emails to me. I repeated that there is NO use talking about the M until ALL contact with OW stops and until he can be honest with me and that I won't accept anything less. He accused me of giving up on him when he is in so much pain and giving up on the M and I pointed out that he was the one who decided to abandon the M. He said that if he had given up he would have filed for D by now and he hasn't done that. He asked me what I need him to do and I told him he needs to get IC to address his dissatisfaction with everything in his life, he needs to stop any contact with OW and I need HONESTY from him. He said a part of him still loves me very much and that the other part hates himself for hurting me. I was firm but didn't raise my voice throughout the convo.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I've read somewhere on the board that MLCer, once he reached final stage, could be compared to someone suffering from multiple personality disorder, sort of Jekill - Hide case. One personality is "unaware" of the experiences of the other.
He sounds so very confused and still deep in MLC.
Keep your PMA, Addie, (((((HUGS))))).
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Stella, interesting you should mention the multiple personalities. H doesn't remember many of the things he's said or done. He is behaving like Jekyll and Hyde. On the one hand is writing me all these beautiful things from his heart and then turns around contacts OW, former EA, goes on dating sites and makes contact with women on there. This is so not the man that I've known for all these years. My H used to have moral values, integrity, used to be very involved with Church, used to read a passage from the bible every morning and night - all that has gone by the wayside. I don't know if that man will ever return.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
That was great. You put it out there.. he tried to make you think it's all in your head and you put him in his place... and caught him in a lie. You didn't ask if we was contacting ow for personal reasons... you asked if he was in touch with her period. So whether it is just business (which is very UNLIKELY) or not it was still an all out lie.
The fact that you remained calm and in control during all of this is amazing. You are amazing. I'm glad you were given the opportunity to spell it out (again?) what steps your H needs to make. Now if only he would start moving forward... that would be nice.
As for forgetting things.. My H too does not remember some of the things he has said or done.. So strange isn't it? It's not like we're talking about things done years ago... more like months ago and yet they have no recollection?
Anyway, I'm proud of you. You sound very strong. You sound like he needs to step up or you're getting out. I think you've got him scared.. and I hope he is. He should be scared to lose you Stella!
Can't believe I started & ended that post with Stella! Got my head all confused after reading all the posts.. should have said "Hi Addie"!!! And finished off with "lose you Addie!"
Thanks for your positive comments Mike, Andabelle and W2G.
Some days I really don't know whether I want to continue dealing with any of this anymore. One thing I know for sure is that I can't accept H's lies. If he can prove to me that he is being honest then we may have a future together. Otherwise, I won't live with someone who keeps lying to me.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Hi addie, you handled the talk very well. You know what you need. You may have to ask for it again to get through to him, make sure he understands, these DAMs sure scare me with their IQ at times. Stay strong, you have come a long way, K
