The Longest Journey

[SDFoundGirl]

LOL. I have actually been feeling guilty about not coming back and posting here more quickly. Can I say that I have taken some advice and ramped up the GAL train? Will that be a good excuse?

So I realized something about that whole July 4 disaster. I put myself in my own hell. I was not detached, and I had expectations for H to do something to make me happy. I listened to what he's asked for, "Tell me what you want," and then added on the bit about how he then had to deliver...which is just not true.

So we've come back and had another discussion about the whole thing, this time in MC. H and his family are just so easy going...and they don't mind having their plans disrupted. I reminded H that not everyone was like them and that sometimes it did matter to me. There was so much I was willing to be flexible about, but having no plans at all was asking for too much.

So the compromise is that if he tells his family it's not big deal, go ahead and flake, then he needs to have a back up plan so the whole day isn't a bust. Or we'll search for a solution together.

Meanwhile, I have been getting back to work on me, remembering that happiness is my own responsibility. My house is SPOTLESS. Not only spotless, beautiful. We've had these frames for forever, and H keeps saying he's going to print out some of his pics for them (H is a brilliant photographer), but then never does. This weekend while he was gone with his dad, I found some art cards I'd purchased a while back and put them in the frames. I bought flowers for myself and had my journaling group over for our session last night. I also (with the help of my journaling gals) decided to keep the paint color in our living room the same, because I truly do love it. We can make it brighter by getting higher wattage track bulbs and painting the ceiling white.

I also fixed up our balcony patio. I found a little chair, hung a bamboo screen, and got some cheap flowering plants to put out there. It's a lovely little oasis.

The key has been to refocus on me, to remember that no one owes me anything. I am my own worst enemy, and I am also responsible for my own happiness.

Pretty good, huh? Still learning...it would be SO much easier if I were just a monk in an ashram somewhere.

SD