Hey, ba ~ missed that post first time around. Nice to hear from you, although I do wish none of us had to be here.
Ali, what's a good job? If you mean the massage, it seems to have pushed him further away - he really hasn't touched me since. And he's been napping fairly frequently, something he does when he's worn out by deciding to leave.
I did end up riding my bike to the beach yesterday and trying out several kayaks. It was so much fun, I'm totally hooked! Reminded me how much I love riding my bike, too - it's so beautiful here in the summer.
I'm trying hard to get myself into a place where I am letting go of my H and my M - expecting nothing, just waiting to see what will happen. Despite my efforts, I still find myself flailing around emotionally - up, down, all over the place - and thinking about the two 'real' conversations we've had in the past few weeks is not helping, as I keep remembering all the things I said that I shouldn't have said.
Guess I'll just have to keep moving forward, as no one has invented time travel yet. I know the kids are sensing the increased tension, but telling them that their father is thinking of moving out won't do much to make them feel more secure.
I'm trying hard to get myself into a place where I am letting go of my H and my M - expecting nothing, just waiting to see what will happen. Despite my efforts, I still find myself flailing around emotionally - up, down, all over the place - and thinking about the two 'real' conversations we've had in the past few weeks is not helping, as I keep remembering all the things I said that I shouldn't have said.
Hi Ingrid,
I've been away for awhile, so I was sad to read that your h is back to thinking about moving out. Despite your backslide for a couple of days, it sounds like you're back on track DBing. Starting a new GAL activity like kayaking is a great idea to keep your mind off of the sitch as much as possible.
Whenever you're unsure about doing something R-related, like sending that email or bringing up a difficult subject, make yourself wait 24 or 48 hours. Come here, post about it, vent away, but don't do it until you've had some time to let your feeling settle. I know how hard it is to do that, but I've been doing a better job of it over the last few months. If I can do it, anyone can!
Hey, na ~ I suppose some major backsliding was inevitable. Not like I'm perfect or anything. The 48-hour rule is one I'm going to have to really cling to, because patience is not one of my natural attributes
Things are getting more strained and awkward. All of us went to baseball game last night (unusual) and sitting beside my H, I didn't know whether to let my arm touch his or not, so I ended up trying to squeeze myself closer to the other side of the very narrow chair. We did manage a few bits of conversation that were okay.
Does he think I don't want him to touch me anymore? Do I want him to touch me? I'm just trying to pull back, to give him space, to let him know that I was serious when I said he could take whatever time he needs to think things through. Given our history though, it's dangerously close to the rejecting behaviour that contributed to this mess in the first place. Perhaps some more 'drive by' flirting from me will help.
I'm having moments when I just want to march up to him and tell him to get out, that I've had more than enough. If I can hang on to this feeling for an entire 48 hours, does that mean I should do it?
just a thought- are you acting as if everything is going to be ok? or are you ASSUMING he is angry and pullig away? if he is sitting with you- you can gently rub his arm and see what happens- right?
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I'm being friendly when he talks to me, but not initiating any conversations or directing any comments his way, unless it's something about the kids/schedule/current projects.
I will try adding some gentle touches and see what happens. I guess I have been assuming that he no longer wants anything to do with me and perhaps he's doing the same on his end.
there you go- you can ASSUME the best..you get t be clear and calm if he doesnt reciprocate- THATS OK! ASSUME the best- not the worst....ACT AS IF...yada yada yada...ha ha!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I'm having moments when I just want to march up to him and tell him to get out, that I've had more than enough. If I can hang on to this feeling for an entire 48 hours, does that mean I should do it?
I guess you could re-evaluate after 48 hours, decide if that's how you really feel. Everything I've read has said to not push him out the door, but allow him to decide when/if to leave. Which puts you in more limbo, which really sucks (I know!). Hugs...
He's just moving further and further away. Yesterday I tried touching him a bit and getting him to engage in conversation about his life as a teenager over dinner - kids were there, I thought it would be a safe time. He was really resistant.
This morning, we both woke up around 5 because the dogs barked. He asked me what time it was, I told him, and he closed his eyes to go back to sleep. I just stared at the ceiling with tears rolling down my face and when I turned to look at him, he was looking at me. There was some sort of expression on his face, but who knows what it meant. I knew I was just going to keep crying, so I got out of bed and went into the living room and just sobbed for a while. When I calmed down a bit, I went for my usual morning walk and managed not to cry during that, although I'm crying again now.
Okay, H just walked into the office looking smiley, like nothing happened, to tell me that the dog threw up on the floor. After I cleaned it up, we were looking at the schedule for this weekend's baseball tournament and he pulled his chair up right behind mine and leaned into me a bit. Then we turned to look at his computer for another event next weekend, and he put his hand on my leg. WTF?!?!?
I had just been outside moving the hose (watering the garden in chunks) and while there, felt myself accepting that he was leaving. It was horrible and didn't last long (what does, these days), but it was just reality.
Now I have no idea what to think again. He's off to the store to get cigs (started smoking again a few months ago ) and looks like he'll be spending the first part of the morning at home working in the yard. (We're in the middle of a big back yard reno)
I think I'd better get down to getting through 30 minutes at a time - or maybe 15. THIS IS SO HARD!!!!
He took his cell phone with him. Why would he need it at this hour? There was a delay between him going out to the car and actually leaving - was he checking in with his girlfriend?
I want him to have some support through this, just not that kind. Would it be insane to point him to the I'm Thinking About Leaving forum?
) and looks like he'll be spending the first part of the morning at home working in the yard. (We're in the middle of a big back yard reno)