WAW is full steam ahead

[LosingSunshine]

(((Sandi))), Thanks for stopping by! Your advice and words are much appreciated.

I am looking at the dark thing as giving her space and not engaging her in conversation unless it is about the kids and unless she brings something up. The only way I can outshine OP/OW is to be a loving and involved father, be stable (professionally, personally, and emotionally), and to continue with my current actions (180s etc..). I have no problem talking with her if she engages but outside of the kids at this point, I really have nothing to talk to her about as she always brings up the D/mediation. Going dark is a way for me to avoid those talks and I guess, I am not really going dark, just keeping busy so as to not go down more cheesless tunnels.

I wish that there was more I can do to work on the communication aspect as well as WOA (one of her LL as is acts of service). There are other things I can do with regards to acts of service and probably will do a few here and there to see if there is any response but the talking has led no where, unless it is about the kids. The conversations are not productive at this time. I need the time away from them and she needs time to think things through, so to speak.

Now while I was just starting to do this over the weekend, she decided at the same time that she wants to establish boundaries as she feels like a prisoner in the house. When she's home with kids, she doesn't want me around as she feels guilt, pressure etc...and doesn't want to do anything that can be considered "family". Now I won't appease her everytime as that will make me a doormat but at the same time, I need to let her have time with the kids and I need to GAL.

I am feeling good about the level of detachment I have achieved and hope that I am just not subconcsiously burying these things to be revealed at a later date ;-) considering that we are both still in the same house. And I agree, it just baffles me how her priorities have been flip-flopped. I guess I just don't understand the emotional and phsychological components in this and probably never will to the extent that I wish I could.

All I know is that I can only do what I have control over and a lot of the other issues are hers, for her to control. The D is for her to choose and she has control over it and the what comes after it.

Chris