Feeling Hopeless...

[Dom R]

Wow. complicated.
Interesting that you pointed out that things are different now, from when you were pursuing OM. Good to know and be aware of.

I actually did that last night. I was cooking dinner and he told me that D2 needed a new diaper. I asked him if he could change it since i was in the middle of cooking. He said she'd probably be fine until i was done. I told him i'd just prefer to clean her up now, would he mind watching the food for a couple minutes so i could change her and he said he was doing something maybe in a little bit. I just turned off the stove and went and did it. I know that he knows i'll do this, so i probably should have just waited for his help (if he ever would have), but i'm not going to leave her in a dirty diaper if i don't have to... So, basically, he chose neither.

yes, he chose to do nothing... and you let him.
This has to stop.. And there's no time like the present.


My take on how you could have handled it better;
"She needs to be taken care of, NOW, not later. Would YOU like to sit around in crap for a few minutes?
This food also needs watching, right now. So, are you going to change her, or come watch the food?"

In situations like these, I think you have to stop being so "polite". No more of the "I would prefer it" language. He takes that as "I can ignore it".
Stop letting him feel entitled to just loaf around the house goofing off.



Personally, if you're both home, and he's basically just goofing around... I think you should have him handle dinner more often.
Particularly while you have the newborn. Right now, I'm presuming he handles dinner at home, let's say... never?
Even if he just decides to call and have something delivered, that's one less thing you have to deal with.
Just so long as its not drive-through every time?


Good job on handling the house cleaning argument. Possibly even a little stronger, would have been better. You know there's going to be a next time, so for that time, perhaps something like,
"I do the best that I can do. If you want it 'better than the best that I can do', then you need to either hire someone, or do it yourself. Or just ACCEPT HOW I DO IT. "
(remind him about you telling him a few days ago he needs to accept you )
Then, ask him to pick which one it's going to be.

No more just letting him silently sulk at your attempt at self-defense, yet still letting him repeatedly bring it up to gripe about later. Make him actually pick a RESOLUTION to this long-standing problem, there and then.

i just expected him to grow up a little bit from 16 to 26. The only difference now is that he keeps a job and then he couldn't. other than that, he's the same boy that i started dating 10 years ago... i really thought he'd grow up...

Thanks again Dom for your advice...

As far as I've heard, the path of turning little boys into men, involves selectively expecting more out of them than little boys' behaviour. Then, and only then, do they start growing into responsible adulthood.