It's been a rough, rough week. All I can think about is what happens when he comes back. I have been going out, but otherwise ignoring my other GAL activities in favor of obsessing.
When we talked last, and I brought up the subject of our friendship and contact, he said, "but we haven't even decided what we are going to do now," implying that he can't REALLY be friends while we're still in limbo. So, although he didn't say it, I'm thinking that when he gets back, he's going to ask for at least a legal separation. Possibly a D.
My mom thinks that I should agree to a legal S, and tell him that I don't want it, but if he does, he can go ahead and get a lawyer and research it, get the papers together, etc. He can look into what a D would entail if he wants. She thinks that the issue is control for him, and if I give it to him and agree to move forward with some decision, he'll drag his feet and won't do it. Plus, it might clue him in to the reality of what a legal S or D would mean financially for both him and I. 50/50 split here in California, and he doesn't have the first clue about it. Denial is his middle name.
Also, I snooped on his Facebook account. (My middle name is Backslide) and saw that the LDEA girl was on his friends list, as unattractive and cheesy as ever (sorry, I know that's mean, but true). It proves nothing, since I don't think you can remove friends once added to Facebook (right?). He's told me repeatedly that he doesn't talk to her anymore and calls what he did really stupid and childish, and is ashamed of it. I also found out how to get in touch with her boyfriend, if I need to, through Facebook.
I'm sorry to vent on here guys, I am just struggling and sad. I went from feeling stronger last week, to feeling like his returning is like Kryptonite. I think I will agree to move forward with a legal S if he asks for it. I think it might make him relax and open himself up to a more real friendship with me. I'm just broken up at the thought of it, but it might give me a chance to move forward in my own head and stop waiting for him to change his mind. "If you set something free..."
Any thoughts? Advice?
Last edited by iamlost; 07/14/0807:50 PM.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
