Been a busy few days; been keeping up with others, and not a lot to say about my sitch. I'm feeling pretty okay; more moments of finding myself feeling comfortable in my own skin. I like that.
H appears to have some new drama going on with OW... if I have time tonight i may post a little on it to get some insights on things. He was a mess yesterday; prompted me to do a little snooping and i pieced together a likely scenario.
Dear S18 and I had a very brief convo yesterday (i took him out to practice driving manual transmission yesterday am); I just asked him if his dad had said anything more to him about things other than the night he first slept 'away'... S18 said no; I just told him that if he ever wanted to talk about things that i was here, even though i didn't really know what was going to happen either. S18 said to me "of course, i'm on your side..." I jumped right in (i probably should have let him talk a little more...) and said that I wanted him to understand that while this wasn't what I wanted, and that I was sad that H was wanting to live a different life, that S understand that I, too, had contributed to problems in our M, not at all that I was blameless. I just wished that his dad would be willing to work to make things right.
I specifically did not say anything about H's A or OW (i have no clue if S18 has an idea, or if he realizes who it is...) We also talked a little about the fact that S12 doesn't know yet, and that it would be hard on him if/when that time comes...
But I must say, it felt very good to at least make a statement to S18 and have him be so kind and supportive...he's been more openly affectionate with me recently, too. That's worth so much...
Regarding your talk w/him, is there a reason you left off that H was having an affair? Just curious, although I think he's still unaware that you know.
I think it was a post by Puppy Dog Tails that advocates telling the kids (age appropriate o/c). I'll have to find it & read it again.
It took me many years to be comfortable in my own skin....You sound like you're doing really well.
NOt sure just who was posting earlier today under my name ...
Quote:
It took me many years to be comfortable in my own skin....You sound like you're doing really well.
Guess it was me; remember, I said moments of feeling comfortable! Right now, for example, I'm feeling very uncomfortable; 'fraid I let Mr. Expectation take a seat at my table today (d$mn me and my sliver of hope!) and I know realistically that he has no place there... (I also keep engaging in self-defeating behaviors in my goal to shed weight... )
Quote:
is there a reason you left off that H was having an affair?
Yea, this was the first time we had any kind of convo at all about things, so I just felt that it wasn't time yet... but I feel like it will come out at some point. I do not intend to give H a total pass of that; especially since they know her and her Ss. But right now, we're still in such a strange place...H is here again tonight; he has only really stayed at the apt a few nights since he actually got access to it...most of his 'away' nights were actually at OWs.
Actually, I think H heading over to OWs on Sat night is what got this latest drama going...friends of OW threw a big 40th bday party for her, and she was definitely pushing for H to come (to my knowledge, this would be his 'coming out' as her b'friend ...1st social event in that kind of setting) Looks like he was vague about going, using excuse that he had promised S12 he would watch movie with him(us), and then let her know later that he was heading to her place (instead of to meet her at the party)... guessing big fuss ensued over that. H wound up at our house early (as usual, 5:30am, since S12 is still in the dark) and hadn't slept, guessing H wound up at his apt for the night...
As I said above, I let Mr Hopeful Expectation linger around yesterday and today for a while, but I've made myself send him packing... I don't think this latest drama will amount to anything as far as i'm concerned. It is interesting, though, that H is still having such a hard time really making the break. I don't delude myself that it's about me; it's about Ss and other parts of his life that I guess he's starting to realize will be gone... If I had to guess about the current drama, when push came to shove, H was not as ready as he thought to be that public about the two of them... but they are already back in touch again (looong phone convo tonight...actually surprised he stayed here...)
Wow, it's late...off to try to sleep... gotta be fresh for my IC tomorrow...and 'doing work' on me!!
...
)