I have not read all of you sitch but is seems you h has very low self asteam. He is making you responsable for his happiness. Wanting you to make promises you may not be able to keep in reguards the future of your M.
My W told me this was part of my problem. I allowed people to dictate my life to me. My W, people at work, kids, family members. Once I stopped allowing other people to run my life and do it myself, my confidence went up.
This might be why your H works so many hours. Is he a person that likes to please everybody. If so he is alot like me and will need to stop doing that. He needs to learn to do what is best for him and not what others want him to do all the time. He will be clingy and need approval from other people until he does.
He seems so afaid to fail that he is living in a constant state of fear and that is very unattractive and puts way to much pressure on you and your R.
This is JMO but it is what I was doing. Did you get the book "How to improve your relationship without talking". It goes into more detail about this. You would find it useful.
