Anyway, so many people have an SSM (or other marital problems) but it escapes most of us that we will need help in dealing with and understanding the problem.
Seems that somehow, people in general believe that relationships should be "easy", that they will just naturally flow, that if there is a problem it will "fix itself", that if things don't just naturally flow and things don't fix themselves, it must be a bad relationship so lets just ditch it and get out now. Or we try to "fix it" - - - by pulling back, getting stubborn, and expecting the other party to fix their end first before we will fix our end. Or we may allow some counseling into our arena to try and help us, but basically if the counselor isn't really REALLY good and intuitive and pulls you out of your stubborn hiding place, it won't do any good - - and then "oh well it must not be able to be fixed".
Instead...relationships should be considered more complicated than computers and machinery. We NEED EXPERTS to help us with those things. We need manuals and books and study, before we should ever just get into the tower of our computers and tinker with them and expect it to fix a problem.
When I was married, I made that mistake of expecting a relationship to fix itself and if it didn't, it meant there wasn't enough love there to make it better.
I was so wrong! Baggy has it figured out. It takes study and dedication to learning yourself and your partner and your relationship. If we aren't willing to do those things, then of course we are going to fail.
Baggy, thank you for sharing all you have learned and continue to learn. And hopefully others with follow suit and do their own study and research. THAT is what it takes - or at least, it is one of the many many things it takes to fix a broken/bruised relationship. Its so complicated, but with tools and knowledge, you have a huge head start toward 100% recovery.
