I just can't believe I have ruined all my hard work, but I did. I had to call H about D's sitch and from the sound of his voice I could tell that OW is very much in the picture and I asked him right away. He didn't try to lie to me, he just said yes, you're right and can I call you later. Next thing I knew I was YElling at him, calling him worthless, weak, lying cheat. I've told him how disgusted I was. I've told him I wanted out. I've told him that he's run out of time. In short, I've done every big "NO-NO"/ He kept saying "don't rush it", "don't do it", "don't tell our D", "it's not over", but he wouldn't give me a single line to hold onto. And l think I know why. I'm assuming, of course, but I'm sure She was there. I actually asked him and he said "no", but I don't believe him. I hang on him and then called on his cell, he didn't pick it up, then I called his home number again. I've told him he has to give me his answer NOW. He said, I will call you tomorrow, no, tonight. That was it. I am an idiot and I know it but I felt such a rush of blinding fury, pinching and stop signs wouldn't have helped. Kalni, I understand you so perfectly well, I HATE weak men. I hated his voice on the phone, stupid, weak, mumbling. Two years of mumbling! I feel terribly empty now, I don't feel like doing anything, I just want the pain to stop. I can't even cry. I want out. I really do.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
