Yes, I think you're spot on. As I said, he puts this all on my shoulders and makes me come across as this cold b*tch that's incapable of showing love and affection. I was thinking on the way to work today (even before the email) of how tired I am of him pushing me away & then trying to pull me back close. I feel like I'm on the end of some bunge cord that he's dangling.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Of course none of it is his fault, typical. Like piglet said, go over your posts and look how many times you have given him a chance, multiple times.
If it were me, and Im not saying this is right or wrong, I would write him back. and Yes give dates on where you tried to help, I would also remind him that he is the one who strayed, not you, and above all else, he chose that route instead of trying to work out things with you.
He is trying to turn this around on you honey, hang tough,and if you decide to write him back, I would have sara help you. She's great with writing letters.
((((((hugs))))))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Amen to all that's been said.. this is his problem. Me thinks Mr. Sue is having a tantrum. Where did I read someone say (might have been lwb!) to respond to these tantrums like you would your child. Allow him to have it, take responsibility for it and clean up after he's done. He waits until 2 weeks before the move to bring this crap up? He's definately deluded!!
You are wonderful, strong, and are not gonna let him drag you down, right? Hold your head up, and keep on trucking.
This isn't to say that some day your H might change and really wanna try and then it will be up to you to decide whether you want that. This isn't the time though.. and he's not there yet. There's a big difference between selfish hanging on and a genuine attempt to fix the M and reconcile. He's being very selfish.. if he were ready to work on the M, it would look more like concern for you and his daughter.. blame would be the furthest thing from his mind. When J finally turned around it looked more like this - "I love you - I can't live without you, and I'll do WHATEVER it takes to make it right - Please, please forgive me.... etc"
Hi Sue, Just have a minute to respond, so I have to be brief.
If you do respond to him at all, don't get into details and dates and who did what. Really, he's not even slightly interested in the truth, he's interested in dragging you into an argument and "proving" to himself that you are to blame and he is the poor little victim. The best way to avoid that game is to refuse to play it with him.
And his threat to talk to your D is all about him trying to pressure you into a response. Even someone as deluded as he is must understand - your D knows perfectly well that YOU are her guardian angel and DADDY is the one who is angry, mean, and unhappy. No lies from him could possibly change that.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Really, he's not even slightly interested in the truth, he's interested in dragging you into an argument and "proving" to himself that you are to blame and he is the poor little victim.
Rob is brilliant!
I used to 'state my case' when H would bring up all my wrongdoings, he was NOT interested in hearing any of it. Nothing. If you do respond, make it short and sweet, mentioning that you have tried in the past, that you still don't want this, but aren't willing to work on anything (marriage, sex, etc) with a third person involved.
And yes, he is pathetically using your love for D to threaten you. Don't fear that, your D, no matter what she is told, knows the truth.
I hope he calms down. When are you supposed to move?
I really struggled yesterday, constantly thinking of the things that my H said in his email. I know he expected a response, but I haven't given him one yet. I actually acted as if I'd never received it. I do feel like I need to respond in some way.
Last night on the way home, I kept thinking about that card that had come in the mail last week from that new home builder. When H got home, he took D4 out to the pool. I took the opportunity to be nosey. I looked at his phone & in his wallet. I found a phone number in his phone (1 outgoing & 1 incoming call) that matched a number he had written on a piece of paper. By that number was also an address and some directions. I stuck the address into Google and found that it's an address for a home for sale......as has been the case, nearby OW's current home.
The rest of the evening H was quiet, but decent. He never mentioned the email. H got on the computer as D4 and I were going to bed. I've learned his game. He plays music on the computer to mask the noise of his typing.
Need to get some work done. Have a great day.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
You might need to get a separation agreement. If he buys a house and signs onto a mortgage, I don't know if that will obligate you to the mortgage as his wife. This is sticky stuff. I can't believe he would live in an apartment with his wife, but buy a house with "Stacy". I don't think you can not talk about this.
And be sure your driver's license doesn't disappear. I think all states require proof of identification at an act of sale. We typically xerox the drivers license. So make sure that doesn't disappear from your wallet.
