toruble on the the lake erie shore...#4!

[TwinDad]

Time to go kick some soccer balls Neil! Look at the positive....don't be afraid so much....sure it is scary, but if things are steadily improving then there is little to fear...enjoy getting to know your W again and yourself for that matter. It may be slow, but some of these things we need to learn take time....better to have the "lesson" sink in then just sit on the surface to go away when things seem "normal" again.

[Neilh23]

kinda journaling here...

tie in also we (me and the kids) went to my best friends' kids' birthday yesterday. big family thing that we used to do together. made me feel lonely and a little sad that she wasn't with us....and how much my life has changed in the last 5 months. I can't believe it'll be 5 months wednesday since the bomb was dropped. had i known then what i know now......ugh. can't dwell on that too much. it'll only make me upset more.
i've really only been DBing since Memorial Day...and things really have improved between my W and I. But i'm so anxious and doubtful of myself that i miss the little things...the smiles (which i do get frequently)..the little things when we talk on the phone.. I'm just afraid I've lost her forever....and i shouldn't be.

[Neilh23]

TDad...of course, again, you are right here. I just wish she'd stop hitting me with the future stuff where we aren't together. That's one of my goals, but i'm not sure how to accomplish that, because that's what hurts the most.

I think she's waiting a bit for soccer season...and to see if I really will cut back.....

so far i've stuck to my word on many things....i'm glad for that...and i am confident in every other area of my life...just not this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOl..i'm a dope.

[TwinDad]

and i am confident in every other area of my life...just not this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is understandable...if you are like me (which often sound like...lol) then the other things truly don't matter and this is the one thing that trumps everything else. That is where the work is. Just curious...can you give some specific examples of how you are not included in the future....i.e. what exactly has she said that stings?

[Neilh23]

the two most recent ones.....

that i would get a "couple" as my friends instead of both (see last monday's convo about the couple who was trying to play both sides

and how i should keep one my D3.5's dresses for the fall when they stay with me for her to wear to pre-k. and she said i probabyl would be able to keep them sunday nites because we switched daycare providers and i could actually take them and still make work on time.

its all short term things.....nothing too long term. tie them into my impatience about this, and whammo......a stinger.

[TwinDad]

Neil,

Those sound pretty minor....not looking to neglect your pain. It is possible if you listened you might actually hear things suggesting a positive future as well.

[poet]

Neil,

I'm not sure I should be posting this at this time, but I've heard things like, "You put too much stock in someone you're never going to see again." And then, when I later question him about it, he says, "I don't know what I said." See? You even told me not to believe anything you hear and half of what you see, remember?

For instance, last night at dinner, he reached out and pulled a piece of paper off my neck/shoulder area, when I wasn't expecting it. Don't forget the little things, the actions that speak volumes, ok????

s

[pisces9]

Hugs Neil- it s just part of the wave- it will be ok.....im happy you can let your sadness go when you come here...please stop calling yourself a dope and beating yourself up. just tell yourself this too shall pass and let yourself feel...then move on to something that makes you happy. what can you do TODAY that will uplift your spirits? something new?