I needed you to get me back on track. I was just so angry. Not that he was with MOW or whatever (well a little bit)...it is the fact that he is spending hundreds of dollars (and yes i know this for sure) on hotel rooms and I am struggling to feed my kids. He is selling our home because he says he can't afford it yet he can afford hotels. It just really got me angry yesterday.
My H used to be the most honest person. Now all he does is lie. It is so sad. Lie to me. Lie to d13. To everyone. I just don't know how he lives with himself. I have to wonder if guilt is eating him up inside or if he is content in thinking he is fooling me. Little does he know....
You are right though. I am giving him and MOW too much head space. It just hurts that he takes time away from d13 to be with her. Then he complains he never gets to see d13 since she is in camp all day. Oh well. I won't feel sorry for him any more.
As for me and the kids...we are a tight little family. H is too far gone for me to think of him as a member. It feels like he is the uncle who comes in every now and then for a visit. It is very strange. I really do need to detach more. I don't think my H will ever return. He will never admit he was wrong and never be able to do the work to fix this. He is too afraid to face it.
The mask is on for H right now. He is really medicating with something since he doesn't seem to be too low right now. He seems to be ok. Part of me sometimes questions how depressed he really is. Even his sisters say he is a master manipulator and always has been.
Snodderly, are there any articles or readings you can point me too regarding depression?
I promise, I will behave. Thank you for your help.
