Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

Old Thread.... http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1488006&page=4#Post1488006


OK, so this is going to be QUITE the post to start off the day. If you need some background, read the last two in my old thread to see where I was. In a nutshell, H ready to file anyday. Was supposed to file Friday, didn't.

OK, so I talked on Sat with H, and he said he just didn't have time to get down here on Friday with work to file. There was no big talk to be had. I don't know WHY the night before he acted like he wanted to talk about it. When I called Sat. all he said was, no I just wanted to let you know. So I'll do it next week. UGH.

So fast forward to SAt. night. I had the girls call to say goodnight and he sounded kind of weird. Said he had been watching westerns all day (the people he is staying with are out of town for 2 weeks, so this is the first time during our Separation he has really been alone). Anyway, that is SO weird because he is NOT a veg to the TV kind of guy. That was REALLY strange. Anyway, so we were chatting a bit after he said goodnight and he said why didn't I call him back after getting the girls to bed (huh, he WANTS to talk to me? OK).

So after a big meltdown with D6 (over missing Daddy etc...), recalling him back for her to talk to him etc.) I finally get her down, and call him back.

I told him I was beat and going to go to take a shower and head to bed. To which he playfully says...... "OK, well if you want to email me some pictures of you from your shower, go ahead". LOL

OK, I've NEVER done that. EVER. Never ever. So I laughed and said...."Um, well, we'll see"

So I took my shower, and decided to play along. So I took a couple suggestive photos and sent them to his phone. Well, after the first one went, my phone rang. He ended up sending me some back, and long story short....... (I know too late), we ended up having phone sex (which we have NEVER done) and lets' just say he was VERY turned on.

So Sunday, he comes to get the girls, and right away I'm anxious wondering if he's going to be all weird. Well, nope. He came, helped me with the pool. We chit chatted. We took each others phones to make sure everything was deleted, and laughed about the night before. Then I was in a tank top, and was flexing my bicep for him, and he was like.. "wow, where did that come from?" and I laughed. Told him I had a few tricks up my sleeve (he's a HUGE workout buff person, always has been. I on the other hand am a couch potato, so this was a good 180).

So anyway, our d2 was napping this whole time (she fell asleep in my car on the way home from church), so D6 was watching spongebob in my room, so we just sat together in the livingroom chatting for an hour. I had moved over by him when we exchanged phones, and through our conversation, had laid my legs across his lap. He was stroking my legs and we were laughing the whole time.

It felt really nice. Normal. Does normal even still exist?

So we got them loaded up, and woke up D2 (he had to get them to a bday party and they were already late). I was all happy, told them to have a great time, waved, and didn't break down for the first time).

So last night I went to a friends for dinner. Got home, and decided to initiate this time, and sent him a suggestive photo that said. "dessert?" to which I got an immediate response with. "OK, give me a few to get the girls to bed". So repeat of Saturday nights stuff.

So he brings the girls home today ,and we'll see if he's weird or not.

I told my friend yesterday, the last few days I've seen the FIRST of positive signs in all of this, and yet I know I cannot feel that great, because in the past when I have, he has slapped me upside the head with his insistance of divorce.

I'm just holding on to those words he said on Sat. morning, when I told him...."if you can't fight for us, just don't fight against us" and he said."ok". One word, but it meant everything.

GOD, I pray this is some sort of start. I'm so tired of fighting and believing alone.

Chris