L, I don't think I've posted to you before, so you don't know yet that I'm great at giving advice that I then ignore
Try to put the cell phone out of your mind - don't look for it, don't phone it. Do you know the Buddhist expression 'monkey mind'? To me, it means all those thoughts racing around in circles in your head, usually spiralling you somewhere that you don't want to go. If there's no voice mail on the cell phone, the recording probably just means it was off or busy. What does that mean? See? now you just have something new to freak out about - it doesn't really buy you any peace of mind, which is what you're looking for.
Being able to talk about things as they come up is so great! I'm coming to the conclusion that we (H&I) have to build a safer R first, before we can go back and unravel the past.
Try living in the moment as much as you can. I try to make myself look at the beautiful blue sky or the the trees or really focus on my kids to shift myself back into where I actually am, rather than stressing about the past or the future. So much easier said than done, but it is helpful.
