Hi guys, I could really use some help with my sitch. I'll give a brief summary of where I'm at and here are my two threads, both of which are in newcomers:
My sitch is pretty unique because there was a health problem on my part and a gambling problem on my wifes part. Regardless of that though, there is a confirmed OM who I believe is really driving her actions now.
I'm not living at home now. I've been out since June 26th 08. Before leaving my wife and I were really not speaking for approx 6 weeks. We had a big blow out to do an episode I had. You'd have to read the first thread to understand that. During this time she was trying to get me to move out, telling me she needed space, loved me but was not in love with me, told me she could not be happy with me, too much has happened in the past, said she cannot love me the same way anymore etc. All stuff you guys have heard on here thousands of times.
I tried to give her space while still staying in the house. I basically stayed upstairs away from here and we really did not talk at all. She kept at me to move out. At the time I thought their might have been an OM, but was not sure. I confronted her about it, but she denied it, but I could tell she was lying about something. I just let it go. She kept demanding I move out and she filed for divorce.
I figured that I better just leave or she was never going to calm down so that's what I did.
Now after being away I believe she really wanted me out so that she could continue with OM.
After being away for a while she ended up contacting me and telling me she met someone else. Exact words:
"I met someone, nothing serious yet, but her treats me good and is nice. I just did not want you to find out from someone else, I wanted to tell you myself."
I told her I was devastated, hurt, felt violated etc. She tried to blow it off saying "we are getting divorced" and I said "there's a lot of love between us and this really hurts me" and she said "there has not been any love in a long time" which is totally BS. I had to end the conversation because I was just in shock.
I ended up going back home because I was taking our kids out for the day. I confronted her alone, grabbed her and hugged her. She was squeezing me really tight. I told her I was not mad at her, but I was really hurt. She said "You should be mad, you have a lot to be mad about" and that was basically the all we said. I took the kids and then I went dark on my wife.
I did end up having a conversation that went really bad. I confronted her on her gambling, all the resentment she has towards me and crap she holds over my head and I also confronted her on the OM. Basically restating how hurt I was etc. She was furious and jumping all over the place in the conversation and it was really hard to even follow. I had to end up just walking away and going home because she was just being ridiculous. She just stated that the OM "Just happened" and she didnt plan it. I said BS, you went out and looked for it, no affair "just happens" it is a conscious choice.
I know this is probably hard to follow, it would probably be easier if you just read my two threads.
Let me jump forward though to where I'm at right now.
She was not talking to me and basically ignoring me and according to her she wanted a divorce, nothing I say or do will change her mind, she can never be happy with me and if she was not serious she would not have paid for the divorce in full. So basically she is stubborn, spiteful and gung ho on getting a divorce. Friends and family are of course on her side with it and most likely encouraging her.
With that said, I decided to play a jealousy card as a last resort and monitor her reactions.
I know that my wife is a very jealous person and I love her unconditionally so the last thing I wanted to do was walk away from this marriage and just let some guy take my wife.
We are both heavily active online and I know when she is accessing sites that I am on and checking out what I am doing.
The whole time I have been away and even while I was there and we were not talking she has been scoping me out online. This is daily. Sometimes a couple times a day. So with that knowledge I figured she must have some interest if she is always following me around online.
I have been dark to her and not contacting her at all. I pick the kids up outside and do not go in the house. I only respond to her if it is about the kids and nothing else.
With that said, I not only wanted to play the jealousy card to try and get her to pursue me, but I wanted to do it to kind of judge her interest in me because I really did not want to get my hopes up and then have them crushed later.
Like I said, she was checking my posts and stuff out online pretty regularly, but here is where it gets crazy.
I changed my profiles around online and removed all mention of her. I changed my status to show that I was single and I started adding some new friends (some female) and getting back in touch with some people who I got distant from.
Once I did that, her activity on my pages and post skyrocketed. So I stepped it up a bit, I started talking to more girls, posted about going on vacation, getting back into stuff that I lost interest in like riding, writing music, raving etc. I basically started posting about what I'm doing. Everything is positive and fun.
The past 3 days she has been doing nothing bu keeping an eye on what I'm doing online. I mean she has been online so often it's like she is stalking me. If you read through my second thread you'll see I posted an activity log with her times of access and it's jut crazy.
So my dilemma now is what should I do next.
I mean so far it looks like I have her sort of pursuing me now even though it's indirectly. She does not know that I can see when she accesses my stuff.
She also drills the kids for info whenever I take them somewhere. She'll ask them what I'm doing, if I said anything about her etc.
So the things she is doing seem to contradict what she has said. If she was so set on divorce and not wanting anything to do with me, why is she so interested in what I am doing?
Ther eis an older couple that we are friends with who I talk to and they told me they spoke with her friday. They said that she was stressing she wanted a divorce. They said are you sure you are not going to change your mind and she said "No, I would not have seen another guy if I was" they said she also mentioned that I was talking to a girl and that I was going on vacation. They thought it was kind of odd too that she was so fixated on me when she claims to not want anything to do with me. This couple wants us back together, they don't want to see us get divorced and so they pretty much tell me anything she does or says. They are like our grandparents.
OK back to the online stuff.
There are hints of some playful flirting, and basically posts that I am looking forward to the rest of summer and posting about some of the stuff I have planned. Going to games, races, taking some trips etc. She can see some [censored] chat between me and some of my friends and that includes a few girls.
So the jealousy and mystery seem to have lit a fire under her ass and now she is watching my every move. That was the plan and it seemed to work as planned.
I want to take it up a notch and try to get some kind of response from her.
Any suggestions or ideas on where to go with this?
I so want to confront her on this OM, but not sure if that would be a backslide or not. I don't want to enable her anymore either though.
What really pissed me off is that she is trying to get the kids to meet this guy and they want no part of it. She is telling them the HAVE TO treat him nice etc. It's really ridiculous. She is in such a fog and acting like a totally different person.
I'm going to go post an update to my #2 thread now.
I'm open to any advice and suggestions here. I know this OM is the major roadblock here which is why I'm posting in the infidelity forum. If he was not in the picture I know we would be back together.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
