W came by on Sunday and stayed the afternoon and for dinner. She arives unannounced and just makes herself at home. the day before I had purchased a small inexpensive battery charger for rechargable batteries. W spots it and asks " why did you buy that for , we already have a charger" I responded thats your charger , you have it , i needed one. Sometimes I wonder where she thinks she is at.
I also saw something posted on warm&sunnys thread where Gypsy asked sunny to think about what she she realy wants deep down in her heart.
I know what I want , deep down , but i dont see that its possible .
I know what I want , deep down , but i dont see that its possible .
Possible or Probable? Just remember,
1. We fail at all things that we do not attempt. 2. Luck is where opportunity and preparedness meet.
There is more than one path that can lead you to your goals. Try thinking of different paths that you have not considered up to now, at this point, what do you have to lose?
Love is a crazy thing Dave, if you still love her after all she has done and continues to do...don't completely give up on it too easily...just my $.02 from a totally different place!
In some ways, I envy you...I decided that my WAW was right about one thing, MLC or no MLC, we are not right for each other and I don't want to be with her any more, not sure that I ever really did. Makes it easier, but not a very nice feeling to have.
Take care,
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Just checking in on my buds...awake and can't go back to sleep (again...)
I know how you feel about knowing deep down what you want...and I like SD's thoughts about different paths...maybe your trip next month will provide some new insights
All the way through this sitch I have found procastination iis my friend. Leave something a couple of days and I feel different. Right now I am not doing anything , I am just dealing with each day as it comes , knowing that I am in control of my life but not sure of where to steer it towards. A lot of good things have happened this last 2 years that would not have happened if things had remained the same. I am tending to sway towards insisting on more of a separation with W once I get back on the basis that her being in my life so much is preventing me from moving on. Perhaps it will be the absolutely last resort technique and one that I need to be comfortable with the consequences of.
Yes, It is good to remember that, had this not happened, we would not have made much needed changes or gained insight into what a good relationship looks like.
A big part of that is being comfortable with letting sit for a while before doing anything about it. Something that seems hard to do in the beginning, easier after you've learned the benefits, & then difficult again when you run low on patience with the slow process.
What sort of last resort technique were you thinking of, since it looks like W's pretty comfortable with coming & going when she feels the urge?
What i have learned is that it was not all my fault. Sure I had made mistakes but I now understand what happened a lot better and that I would not want to re enter a M like the one we had. So unless me and W together can work together on building a new and better R then there is no point.
The first step in this would be being honest with each other , something W seems incapable of in much the same way your H is. It is fear driving this , I think they are both scared of the outcome if they were honest.
I am not sure yet how I am going to handle the next phase , still working it out.
I was home yesterday when W came by after work. She had no real reason to as D was staying with me . I was polite ,however I was still finishing off some work so carried on with that , W made us both a coffee and I think was wanting someone to pay attention but D was messaging her friends on MSN or something S was in his room playing Guitar and I was working. W obviously felt left out , made an excuse and left without finishing her coffee.
I think this was a good thing , she can see the family functions well without her , she has to understand that she was the one who ultimatley opted out .
Okay; this is the 3rd time I've tried to get this message to you... my keyboard keeps acting up on me!!
Quote:
I think this was a good thing , she can see the family functions well without her , she has to understand that she was the one who ultimatley opted out .
I think you are right, and that she seems to be getting that message (at least momentarily!)
Am I right to remember that this scene has played out this way several times? Do you get any sense of what she takes away from this, if anything? How does she seem to act in the aftermath... the same, any different? Not sure where I'm going with this, but it might be food for thought, since we all seem to be thinking of the need to modify things...
Yea...see if I can press send before this screws up or my battery dies...
You are right , there have been different versions of that scene from time to time. I have not seen her since , but generaly she will act as if nothing has happened. If she is struggling on her own she certainly does not want me to see it.
Something else I need to note. I was with D12 at the supermarket the other night and D turned her back to the isle quickly as I heard a woman say hello and D's name. D said a quick oh hello back and was obviously wanting to avoid this person ( I would have too ). As she walked away I asked who was that ? D said oh thats one of Mums friends . I left it at that but D is a good judge of character.
Makes it easier, but not a very nice feeling to have.