I am so glad that you have the support of the in-laws. Sometimes that can make a big difference. Sorry this is happening to you. Keeping an eye on you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
i could use some quick advice....i left the house tonight after stopped by to tuck my son in. I told her I wasn't keeping our son overnight so she could go to atlantic city with OM. however he's not going, and I have proof he won't be there. However she says "you say you want me to be happy but then you make it difficult" She got a smirk when she told me "it's over" on tuesday. I told her to seriously consider how mature she is acting and that when our son grows up and sees how she handled this it could hurt him. I am trying to be civil and help out around the house. She says we spend more time together than when we were married (not true; i stop by the house 1 hour a day) she says I need to back off too, stop asking her how her day is, telling her she looks nice every other day or two, and stop asking how her parents are doing. *** I said i was leaving because she didn't give a sh!t about any of this and i said good night. 2 hours later I get a text message that says "I'm sorry." I didn't answer it.....1 hour later I get a text saying my name with a ? (as in "are you there?") question is, I don't want to respond. She is treating me like an outcast. ALl because everyone in the universe including her parents are against her seeing this man. She's taking it out on me. Should I not answer her ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I should add that for the past month she has gotten nasty and always ends up saying sorry. this is a superficial temporary "sorry". I feel like I should "back off" for a bit like she complains for and let it sink in how she's acting immature
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
It is a shame, but she's not going to break off her parents too...so this puts her in a tough position...which is what you want.
If you and your community keep up the pressure and YOU STAY back and maybe even protect her from it a bit. Sit with her and apologize that everyone is giving her such a hard time. This MUST be stressful for her really so..just be loving and sincere.
She must be shown what she's getting into and warned well in advance, so it is important for the community to be warning her what she's getting into.
Never mind her telling you it is over. Its not just immaturity. It is pain. She's miserable and says it is over becuase she thinks BURYING the pain is best. She feels that covering her pain up with a relationship founded on lies and sneaking around will make all her upset go away.
She will learn one way or another.
She's not immature as much as she is hurt. Picture a child frightened to ride a bicycle a second time because her first attempt resulted in a painful knee injury. She's afraid of the bike now and says she will never ride it again.
You have to convince her this bicycle she's afraid of is NOT going to HURT her anymore. The bike is safe and FUN to ride now.
Got it?
She's just hurt and scared more than she is immature. The OM is not hurt or scared he's just a child.
She will get hurt there too if she tries to make a go of it. Anyone willing to participate in an affair hasn't cultivated the maturity it takes to keep a long term relationship alive. Their bond won't last, he doens'nt know how to nurture it.
She's addicted, that WILL wear off in time. THEN reality will hit her and she will be miserable again.
YOU just have to be the man she needs through all of this.
