I've read your post but I don't know what to say. I am bit confused. It's probably my english cause I can't figure out exactly what is going on with you guys. What I do see/sense though is that there a lot of power struggle between you two. Am I right?
If I understand maybe I can give you my 2 cents if they are worth 2 cents even... Love K
While in the crisis my therapist told me.. When you go to make a decision and you waffle, the answer is no. She also noticed depressive symptoms were on the rise and to get a med check. This way the symptoms are stabilized so I can make good decisions. Then there's always the 48 hour rule. If it's a good idea now, it will still be good in 48 hours.
Are your boundaries severe? Only if the other kids don't want to be included. Only if it's not a safe or positive place to be. Only if you feel it is morally and ethically wrong. Only if you think it sets the wrong example for them to be around the girlfriend.
I know a divorced woman who had three kids, had a rebound marriage, found out she was pregnant just as her second divorce started and married a third time. The father in the second marriage is involved solely with his biological son. I don't know if she instituted it or because the second marriage lasted a year and the kids didn't bond with him.
It comes down to what works for you, what your goals are, what you need.
Hi L, You know I appreciate any thoughts you have.
It's sad that I need a flow chart for this R Kalni, don't worry that it's your English, I have a feeling it would hard to follow in Greek!
Yes, Jen, I want to stay married, I just think I need to be clear about what I will stand for. The few times I have drawn a line-in-the-sand, he has not crossed it. May not hold true now, I guess we'll see.
None of the kids, save H's D24 once, have met the OW. He wanted an agreement from me that we would not introduce OP to S5, unitl mutually agreed upon. Easy for me, since there really is no OP & I wouldn't want to anyway.
He is constantly trying to arrange dinner's & outings with my family, like everything is fine with us. I've gone along with it & have had some really nice times, I just think it's sending a "carry on w/OW message", so I've stopped.
If I ever figure out how to link threads it would help. I can't figure out where the UBB is to copy
Since I'm having difficulty thinking clearly today, I am going to be calm & still today Dave, thanks!
It just seems that the A is going right along after 14 months (plus about 6 months secretly).
After that amount of time, you think she would find it odd that she hasn't been introduced to S5, he hasn't filed, still lives in tiny place (so far) when he has other options, & knows that he's bounced back & forth between us.
She does have Celebral Palsy, is in foreclosure, 40yrs & never been married.
My H is very well set financially, nice looking, & used to have a pretty good personality.
CVA tells me she hit the "mother load" & will do whatever it takes to keep him.
I don't like to admit it, but I think she may out last me. Better see what I think tomorrow.
I said my thoughts hadn't changed....it's a little too close, I don't care to have his affair in my area & it tells me we're ramping thing's up. Do what you want to do though, & I'll have the offer checked out by my L...
He tells me he's going on a trip Thursday-Sunday. I wonder what the connection is & ask if he's going alone.
He says, Yes, not that he has to answer that though. "Well, no, you really don't. If you are though, then I will proceed & file myself."
Okay, dearheart, to me this sounds less like severe boundaries (if that's what you want to call it) and more like a major league p$ssing contest between you two....kind of like "Screw me? No way, screw you!!" I've seen you abide by the 48-hour rule for a long time, but then he baits you one time too many and you bite... I don't see anything wrong right now with some of the boundaries you have set...it's more not responding in kind...
Okay, dearheart, to me this sounds less like severe boundaries (if that's what you want to call it) and more like a major league p$ssing contest between you two....kind of like "Screw me? No way, screw you!!"
LOL L, Thanks for pointing this out & you're absolutely right, I have to stop taking the bait. Helpful post that goes right to the bottom line....
I'm going to take a break from him & have S16 watching S5 when he comes over tomorrow night. With him leaving on a trip Thursday, there'll only be a couple of days to steer clear & regain my balance.
I know i shouldnt be but I am laughing. We have all been here long enough to be at the tough end of our sitches. Its where we have perhaps fought so long for our M's that we have lost sight of what we are up to or even wondering why the Heck we are even trying. I know myself I have to keep telling myself to shut up , wait 48hrs etc . Its not easy.
Sunny , I am pleased you are getting a break from H.
Sunny, Whenever I find myself adrift, the best way to get back on course is to get back to basics...in this case, What is your goal?
I do think that setting boundaries and sticking to them when tested is critical to regaining respect from your H. Just make sure that they are ones that you will really stick to...in otherwords that they make sense!
Lot's of luck, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I catch myself laughing about this stuff all the time....That's a good thing, no?
I may not be laughing when the sun comes up though.
It's 3:30am & I just sent H an email. Since I already said this on Saturday;
Quote:
He tells me he's going on a trip Thursday-Sunday. I wonder what the connection is & ask if he's going alone.
He says, Yes, not that he has to answer that though. "Well, no, you really don't. If you are though, then I will proceed & file myself."
He was here to take S5 to dinner last night (extra friendly/lots of nice email during the day) & tells S16 he changed his trip to Cabo, leaving Friday- returning Monday.(OW has Wkends off) When I looked at him, he started telling me about different guy friends that are going to meet him there, etc.
Goes on a little too long & says he's leaving out of Tijuana, b/c they have non-stop flts.
I already knew, but checked anyway....three different carriers have daily morning non-stop flts. out of SAN.
I sent an email with some household info he needed & added that since I remembered that there are non-stop flts from here, I would need to see tickets or something that would explain him leaving from TJ.
If I had to do it over again, I would have left off "I'll file"
So, I have to follow thru with what I said my boundaries were. Another trip/vacation w/OW, especially with our Aniversary being on Sunday, is not tolerable for me.
Quote:
I do think that setting boundaries and sticking to them when tested is critical to regaining respect from your H. Just make sure that they are ones that you will really stick to...in otherwords that they make sense!
SD, It may be the end of my M & the beginning of his respect for me....it's unfortunate that I had to earn it this way ;-) Thanks for sending the luck & the support you do.
I'm prepared for the blow-back when he gets his mail today....can't feel bad about losing something you don't have.
Sunny, sounds like your line is clear, let's see what he does. If you, as you say, are prepared for anything that comes your way, I trust you'll be fine no matter what happens. Keep us posted, always here for you, M
