I was wondering if any of you oldtimers with 18 months -2years or More could share with us how you story finally ended, if it has.. What finally happened and on what timeline? Did your MLcers ever show signs of regret or try to return? Can you share some details of what it looked like when your MLCer started to shift toward home or if you never saw a shift toward home and if it was you that made the final decision to stop your stand thanks peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My bomb - July 2000 First came to board - Oct 2000 Divorced - Apr 2001 (no fuss)
My former Mrs. IMP actually admitted to MLC (before divorced). She did show uncertainty for a while, i.e. it was not easy for her to fully let go. As many here said she was making baby steps. But they were baby steps away. It was probably another year after the divorce that I felt she had fully let go. The problem was I hadn't fully let go. And looking back that was not helpful. It is hard to change when you are holding on. You can't spread your wings when you are holding on.
Hi peace- I have been at this for 16 months so I am also curious to know if there are LBS's that knew there was a real shift in themselves or a shift in the WAS and when that shift took place. For example, almost 2 years after my first H had left me, I remember having a moment of clarity and deciding that I had had enough. I remember making a conscious choice to move on. Now in my current M, I am sensing my H is shifting toward me but I have no idea if it is for real.
It would be interesting to get different perspectives on this.
Imp- Was there a point when you realized that you had finally let go?
I can't pinpoint a time. From Oct 2001 to May 2004, I didn't have either a steady job or a steady home address. I was doing the stay-at-home dad gig when the bomb dropped. So as I was trying to reestablish myself at work and having a bleeping hard time doing so, then I was laid off as were many right after 9/11. From then to May 2004, I collected unemployment and did temp jobs. Then the fav temp job had an opening and I was eventually hired in May 2004. Got a steady place in Sept 2004. Cleaned up my finances by the end of 2005.
As you can see I had a lot going on, so it is difficult to say when I actually let go. But getting where I wanted to be did take some time. It was good for me to have to struggle. So while I can't really pinpoint a date, all I know is that when you are doing the best to take care of yourself and working on the things you need and want, you are letting go.
Bomb was in Jan 06, A/PA was confirmed Oct 06, she got the boot to the curb and I started DB late Oct early Nov.
I DB for about 6 months and figured that I should give up and move on with my life. My MLCer has shown some regret (I think) with crying phone calls but is still out in left field with non payment of CS etc.
It is over now, I got a D and for me it is what I needed mentally. I am a healthy person now and in a new R for about a year.
Unfortunately I will have to deal with her for another 8 years at least once my kids (I have sole custody) are grown I wont have to speak to her or see her again.
Oh and there is a bizarre shift towards home (or is it?) She has been flaunting herself at me in an attempt for sex recently. It does nothing as she does this almost in front of OM who she lives with and does this with her love child in plain sight.
Bottom line is I am over her now, she needs to get over me!
Peacetoday that is a wonderful username. Keep peace within yourself sugar.
Especially through this hellish ride.
When i first came here in March of 06 I posted under Lisset then, all I looked for were stories of marriages that were reunited.
I never even thought to give the other stories a thought.
I have now learned that people that have not "saved" their marriages but have saved themselves are a huge success.
The X left Feb of 06 and we were divorced Jan of 08
Was there back and forths in between yes.
I remember one day he said I need to see you and see the truth in your eyes. He was already well involved with his GF and I went to see him.
I wanted to say to him so badly I love you but I am not in love with you anymore.
Everyone has their own breaking points for whatever reason, or everyone has their own way of standing.
Neither of them are wrong in my opinion. The man I married became and still is someone I don't know. He hurt my children emotionally, that is all I needed to know I was done.
I also had planned on having a different life without him, and I was looking forward to that different life.
Focus on today. Focus on you. Focus on getting yourself back.
If your spouse comes back what a wonderful addition to your already wonderful life.
Lissett
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
THank you Upside Immy and Lawless It seems hard to make the decision to stand any longer or move on It seems that here on this board many LBS come and Go I was wondering what the MLCer picture looks like a few years down the road ImmY I can relate to you as my H moved out, and still hangs around a lot to see kids he seems to take the slowest of baby steps away to really move on so it is confusing, although he shows no signs of return, he also shows no signs of really moving on I asked him to file twice and he hasnt Lawless I have read some of your posts and have been inspired as your W does seem to show regret, but you are totally done I wish I really knew I was done I am still holding on , less but holding peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My story is long and drawn out as it is not over. When I first came here I dreamt of reuniting. I could not picture a life without the H.
Truth be told, he has never looked back other than a few back and forths. Says he misses me and loves me one day and then the next is as cold as a block of ICE. He started D proceedings but due to finances seems not to be able to complete. I will, for my peace of mind and to regain my life !
If I had any advice it would be to find your own peace. Take steps you make yourself happy and most of all move forward with courage. Things are not always the way that they seem at first blush but, you will do fine as we all have come to ...
Bomb #1 - September 29 '06 OW#1 Bomb #2 - Jan. 27 07 OW#2 Seperated Jan. 27, 07 H moved back in May 5, 07 H moved back out July 17, 07 H came home Dec. 5, 07
Still home and still going strong and doing good 7 1/2 months of NC w/OW.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
