Trixi trying to find moorage

[Trixi]

Hey- my thread locked! My most recent thread

So.
I went over to my old house-- H actually has done A LOT to the outside to make it look nice. The tree he took from where I live looks amazing. He has big plans for other parts of the yard. It made me VERY sad to be there. This will sound immature, but I was sad and jealous. He gets to know where HE is living; he gets frogs, salamanders, snakes, bats, a plethora of birds, squirrels all sorts of trees; I, on the other hand, am watching my landlord cut down all the trees to put duplex lots right behind where I live. I have a few birds, (juncos and chickadees, robins) but NOTHING like my old house. I don't know where I will be living in 7 months. ::stomp::stomp::pout::


He played me a couple songs he wrote last night. He was pretty excited about them; they're pretty good.

I did start crying at one point because being there made me sad. He asked why I was crying and luckily didn't press. (I was way too emotional to talk. We did talk about it later, though- see below.)

The wedding collage my mom made is still in the den, so that was good to see.

We talked some R on the way to hiking; he said that maybe he never got to do what he needed to do before coming back to me and that is why he is thinking we should see each other less. [side note, I think that this has A LOT to do with the band--he is basically spending as much time as he can writing, jamming and recording and I think he might be wanting to see how far he can go].He said he isn't seeing anyone else, doesn't want to see anyone else so it's "nothing like that." He said that 'now is MY time, not your time, not my son's time, not my parents or my sisters time, but MY time." (that sounded a little MLCish to me.) He feels sad too about us not being together, but isn't ready to do anything different. Mentioned communication/wanting us to talk more- so I went ahead and pitched retro. He said he might consider it.

Go hike; great place. We made it halfway up but had to go back because he is jamming tonight.
Here's the positives:
*He talked about our Steely Dan weekend and renting a Harley and going somewhere. (ie, long range plan)
*He wants us to go camping in September. (We spotted an awesome campsite.) He wants me to make reservations. (ie, long range plan)
*He asked if I was still thinking of a tummy tuck; asked how long he would need to care for me and then said "it doesn't really matter, I'd be there as long as you needed me"
*talked about finishing the hike another weekend and then talked about doing a different hike in between, but that we *definitely* had to come back to this one and finish it

Negative-- in talking about hiking/camping/reservations in September I said "well, remember there is a weekend in there for retro that I want you to consider" and he was like "uh. yeah." I scoffed and he said "yeah, I guess I'm not really feeling 'into it' today; I might later." I said "if you wanted to play golf better, you wouldn't keep doing what you're doing- you'd hire a coach" and he said "hmmm..good analogy."
Oh, and I was careful to say that good communication is important no matter which way we go.

All in all, we had a very good time.

He's coming over early on wednesday to finish our spanish homework before the lesson; celebrating his bday at his mom's Thursday and then w/me Friday. And I am going to a murder mystery party on Saturday night

I sure hope he will seriously consider retro... It was really so sad to be at my old house.