Feeling Hopeless...

[Dom R]

AWWWRIGHT, now my comments on the
final stuff of your post.. your "big talk" with your H...


Hmm.
not the best timing, but better to be said, than not said.

overall, sounds like you did a pretty good job of laying things out for him.

I hope you will still keep in mind what I wrote about him helping with the girls, above.
To that end, when you "need help watching them when you are cooking/cleaning/wahtever".... consider giving him HIS CHOICE, of either watching the girls, OR, doing the cooking/cleaning/whatever himself. you might be surprised at which he picks.

Later, he told me that he feels like i'm acting the same way now as when i was talking to OM. That if i just want to leave him i should just tell him now rather than asking for him to do things that won't even help.

Final, critical comment!

I think it's really really important for you to go back and tell him the truth about how you feel. That is to say, tell him, that ;

yes, you feel just like you did about him, when you started talking to the OM. That is how badly you feel about things.
The key difference this time, is that this time, you are choosing to try to deal with your feelings and problems, the way you should have the first time: by confronting him about them.

(which is the only real and fair way to reach mutual resolution of them!)

The above is a very concise set of words, yet has a very powerful impact on many levels:

1. it lets him know just how serious things are.
2. it acknowleges to him, that you did not handle things right the last time. (which should actually shut him up a bit on that)
3. it sets a new expectation from here on in, that when you have major problems with him, you will talk to him about them, rather than just running away from confrontation.

If you can get these things through to him in this way... I think it could set the stage as the turning point in your marriage.

Lots and lots of work to do ahead still Mostly, from you, making sure to speak up each and every time he talks badly to you, etc.
But if both of you can come together on those 3 things... I think that you two could head towards having a great marriage together. You would start to shovel "junk" OUT and away from your lives, rather than burying yourself in more of it



PS: (it's odd that he said he thinks these things "wont even help". But some men really dont understand how important you think those things are.
He could probably use some reassurance from you that yes, they really will help)



Ok, now i'm done for the night. happy reading and I hope you find something useful in all that.