WAW is full steam ahead

[LosingSunshine]

So today was prett uneventful outside of the apartment thing. I an thankful for once it wasn't a Tuesday.

With regards to my earlie post, I don't know if there is an OP/OW but she is having some voids filled by these people and their Inependent carefre lifestyle. So how do I outshine that at the minimum? Thoughts?

My notes I jotted down eralure pretty much sum up what happened when W got home tonight. She asked how the day was, how the kids were, what they ate etc. Then she said that she wanted to say something but didn't know how to explain it and I said don't think what to say, just say what you want to and feel. She responded that she just wants separateness. Okay. She's been saying that since day 1.

Stated as dark as I could and she left to get ready for bed. What surprised me was that she did not even check on the kids or stop in to kiss them good night. Don't understand that.

Us she working up the courage to tell me something else and retreats at the last minute? That's what it felt like tonight. Or does she just feel the need to repeat the same thing over and over again? What would be the reason in that?

I am also wondering if she'll follow through and spend time with the kids tomorrow given her horrible track record. At least I am there for them.

Chris

[Scott123]

Chris,

Read men are from mars and woman are from venus and I think you'll start to understand why your W jumps around a lot when she is talking and why she keeps repeating.

- Scott

[LosingSunshine]

Scott, I read it 2 weeks ago and I guess some things did not see I with me. Since W is pretty much kicking me out of the house today so she can spend time with the kids i'll take tke opportunity to reread it.

So W bolted already this morning without spending a minute with the kids. Just sad. Going to get ready to take the kids to sbux and mass. We all slep in so the early one is out of the question. Good day yesterday with the kids and they slept like angels.

Going to stop wearing my band fulltime starting today and will see if there are any reactions.

Still wondering how I can outshine her friends lifestyle outside of being a great father and stable. Anyone that has been following my sitch and can provide some thoughts...it would be greatly appreciated.

Chris

[LosingSunshine]

I also think another thing that is getting to W is that she wants to be independent from me but is totally dependent on me to get her there and quite possibly help her through thne first year which I won't. Strange.

[Neilh23]

i think you should just be yourself and incorporate the changes into your over all personality. She fell for you before...what's happened is that you were acting out of the norm......esp. after she dropped the bomb. Just be yourself when around her, but be dark. It's a fine line to travel, but you can do it.

one question...do you want to stop wearing your ring? Does she not wear her rings? The one thing i regret from my sitch is that i feel like i took off my ring too soon.....i almost want to put it back on. It's what you want to do.......don't just do it to provoke a response from your W.

[LosingSunshine]

Neil, with regards to the ring, she hasn't been wearing hers since 2 days after the bomb...almost 4 weeks ago. I have mixed reasons as to why I want to stop wearing mine and really, I guess I just want to see what it is like for the most part.

At the beginning of our R I had to pursue her. There was an issue during our first weekend together where I travelled from DC to Dewey Beach to spend the weekend with her and she sent me home midway through because of her unresolved issues. I called her the following Monday and basically told her off for being rude. 2 weeks later I dropped her a line and slowly pursued her and things got back on track. Prior to me, she had a history of running away from problems and not wanting to deal with it. She vierwa that as a part if her independence I guess.

I have thought over the past few weekd if I should do what I did so many years ago and tell her as it is and fight for her actively but have chosen not to which has confused her as it wasn't the response she was expecting.

Small positive action on her part...she finished my laundry for me last night.


She thanked me for letting her go out this morning and was asking questions about the new church. The kids asked when she was going to go with us and she said I don't know.
So I am GAL today as she is finally going to spend some time with them.
It's a beautiful day here in sioux falls and counting down the weeks until the kids and I are at the OBX.

[Scott123]

LS,

I'm basing this on my situation so i could be totally wrong.

Do you really think your wife seriously wants a drastic change
in her life, to be independent and do all these things she
is doing. You know going out, partying etc.?

My wife is doing the same things. She is actually doing things
that SHE complained about people doing in the past. I think it's
just an escape and because she is in a fog of emotions. I believe
that she will eventually get exhausted from it and realize that
no, this is not what she really wants.

My W was someone who was totally committed to her family, loved
spending family time together, would rather go do something as
a family or with me than go out and party etc. The things she is
doing now are not like her. I highly doubt she is just going to
keep this new life up full time and forget all about the old
self.

That is how I look at my situation.

Could I be wrong? Of course, but when you really look deeper
into it I think my analysis is pretty damn good considering.

Can you step outside your relationship and outside your self
and analyze the situation and really try and look at it from
a distance?

I don;t want to say all this to try and give you a false sense
of hope, I just think that when a women or man for that matter
makes these kinds of drastic changes its hard to believe they
are permanent changes.

I just noticed my W again was all over my stuff all morning from
the time she got up until just a little while ago. I think she
is starting to realize that what she really wants is starting to
slip away from her.

I like your idea about taking your ring off. I really do think
need to detach from her and show her that you are dead serious
about moving on... and you NEED TO BE DEAD SERIOUS not just using
it as a tactic to get her back.

Right now I am split 50/50. I will take my wife back and work
on our problems if she choices, but I will also move on and let
her go too.

- Scott

[LosingSunshine]

Scott, i'll write more later as I am about to tee off but I have had the same thoughts and think you may be right. She used to party non stop and liked my stable yet fun attitude and we used to do a lot together before the kids...never really had the talk on how toDral with the parenting etc.

She has been trying to distance hersled from all of the partying this past week to spend more time with the kids with very limited success...read just today. I believe she wants something different from what the past year and a half was but not what she's been doing for the past month. Control over her choices maybe but she still tells and asks permission. I hope that it is the fog and over reaction that is driving her to get out as quickly as possible.

Thx again. I'll reread the post after golfing and write more.

Chris

[LosingSunshine]

So today was a good day. I spent the morning with the kids while the W was out and then left to let her have some quality time with them for the first time since the sitch began. I just got back from a day of vegging, shopping, golfing, eating out and talking with friends...they no everything and still can't connect the dots nor can I.

I am still dark and not wearing my ring. The first full day of both and the 2nd of being dark. It feels like I am being rude. It feels unnatural but I will continue for awhile to see what happens.

Made plans with old friends for when I am Bach in DC prior to going to the OBX. Should be fun and I am really looking forward to it.

Going to spend some time this week reflecting on who I am. Who is and who was Chris. He's here somewhere and need to make sure he's all out and not hiding deep inside me. Once found I plan to draw him out.

Still trying to figure out how to outshine the lifestyle that my W is getting involved with and quite potentially the need to outshine a OW since that is what it looks like. Can anyone help me with this?


I have my 180s still going and now I am dark given the full throttle for D. Her LL is acts of service which my 180 with the kids and chores etc will be touching but am at a loss0outside of being a good daddy, going back to church with kids and being a stable person.

Chris

[LosingSunshine]

Neil, how do I be myself and dark at the same time?

It is so unlike me to be dark, especially the old me when we first started dating. I used to be the shoulder to cry on and we would talk for hours as she travelled for her job back then.

Any thoughts from you or anyone would be greatly appreciated.

Chris