Ok the craziness has begun. I think the anticipation of counseling is playing games with my head. Today has been a weird day for me mentally. I am almost wishing we weren't going and that we would just end this ridiculous mess and divorce. . .
Although I realize all of the things that I have done wrong it still pisses me off that he couldn't/wouldn't man up and deal with it instead of running away like a little boy. It's not like I henpecked him for years and years or anything. It's been a fairly recent development that I come across as the nagging bitchy wife.
I'm just angry today.
I'm dwelling on flaws and doubting that anything can ever change. And even if we were happy together how long would it last? What about his family (whom I have always had problems with and despise even more now) how would we ever have a normal life that we could one day bring children into? Wouldn't I be so much better off with someone else? Someone who wouldn't abandon me when things get rough?
Everyone else in my life appreciates me. I am a good friend, daughter, sister, employee, etc. Why is it that the one person who I let get the closest to me the one who ends up pushing me away?
Sorry for the rant. I guess it's been building up since I saw him last week and things went so well. Which is the really crazy thing. . .I still want him. More importantly I want him to want me. Is that so much to ask?
