One thing... I notice that often times you don't finish conversations.....either something happens to stop them, or you cut them off. My recommendation to you is to talk it all the way through once and for all. Don't do the "head game" thing of "now I am going to do this and see what she does". Talk it all the way out, let both of you talk and try to listen. When it gets to the end, tell her you want her to leave the OM to try with the marriage once and for all (everything- retro, books, everything), and if she cannot then you cannot be her "friend" right now.
I see my H in some ways in you. He avoided conflict when he needed to NOT avoid conflict.
