Today my daughter was talking about the puppy that spouse and his girlfriend have... and how sad she was that he had to be in a kennel while they were gone. She hoped that she could puppysit him at our house some time.
Talk about an 'ugh' moment. I initially started saying all the reasons why it wouldn't work (we have an older dog who's an only dog). Then I suggested it was something she talk to her father about first. She thought it was a great idea since she hadn't talked to him in a while.
There I am, filling the Lexus he bought me two years ago as a birthday present as she's talking to him in Europe with his girlfriend beside him on a two week business/pleasure get away.
Why in the hell did he give me such an extravagant gift.. when he wanted me to feel free.. not just a mom driving a minivan box on wheels? Why didn't we travel to Europe together? (Answer: I was too hyper to leave the kids for that long)
Where am I.. pumping gas in a suburbia.. in a place we moved to as newlyweds.. with my children.. which is the greatest gift of all.
I was still in an internal snit for a while which I tried to shake off since I didn't think it was fair for my daughter. I opted to worry instead.. Did I put her in the middle with the dog thing.. or was it appropriate to hand that conundrum off to spouse?
Once the anxiety kicked in, the snit went away. Anxiety I know how to handle. Snits are new.. and I fear the beginnings of bitterness.
I have to remind myself of what I am grateful for... and not compare what I have to a man I no longer know.
