ms ladybug SQUISHED (3)

[ms ladybug]

Oh that'll be great!
...except he carries an off-duty weapon at all times. Maybe not such a good idea.
Need to think of something a bit indirect and less obvious...

[ms ladybug]

Or their swords, and staffs!

Somehow I don't picture you attacking with your purse!

Jeff, never underestimate a purse attack. My purse can do some serious damage.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Or their swords, and staffs!

Somehow I don't picture you attacking with your purse!

Jeff, never underestimate a purse attack. My purse can do some serious damage.

I've heard of bricks in purses adding considerable oooomph!

[MichelleLT]

So we have to get him from behind and then casually run like hell eh?

Oh wait...distance attack.....hmm spitballs?

[jon2911]

I'm in for the attack. Can I use a purse?

ms ladybug, you're doing great! He's pushing your buttons way too much.

Part of LRT is realizing that you'll be fine without him. And suddenly the "D" word, custody, all of that doesn't scare you to death any more. I don't have answers for how to get there, but detachment and time are big.

When he realizes he can't control or scare you any more, the sitch will turn. And it shouldn't surprise you about this "move with me to the coast" talk. His D talk has never been serious, he just knows it will get to you. Which is mean and incredibly wrong. Someone who wants a D gets a lawyer and files. Period. Your H has done none of that.

[MichelleLT]

I'm in for the attack. Can I use a purse?

Haha. Only if you get a designer one.

[ms ladybug]

OK. I'll try for a quick update. Yesterday we took the kids to a little amusement park about 2hrs away (Gilroy Gardens). I knew that because we had 2 hrs in the car together that a r talk would have to happen. At first he tells me about how he needs to go clothes shopping. Then he tells me that he's going to take his suit in to have it tailored since he lost some wt. He never wears his suit, so I ask, "Are you going somewhere?" He pauses, looks at me and coyly says, "well, I kinda put in my application for Santa Maria and have an interview in 2 weeks." !!!!
Now, remember, when he FIRST told me about Santa Maria he told me that he wants to go there to get away from me, because he hates me and wants to be far from me. The next day, he back-pedeled, denied EVEN saying that and said he wants me to move with him. I told him he needs to SIT STILL and that I CAN'T move with a crappy marriage. We're not even living together, we CAN'T live with each other, no way can I move out of town with him. HE said he wants to work on our marriage. NOW, I find that he goes and puts in his application.
So he tells me, "I'm tired of waiting for you to decide what to do. You told me you wanted me to be the leader in our home, so this is me leading. This is what you want, now you have to follow." nice.
I told him, "Being the leader in the home does not mean that you make major decisions like moving out of town without DISCUSSING IT!"
He tells me "I thought you'd LOVE to live on the coast! I thought you'd be happy about this."
Don't get me wrong, Santa Maria is a very nice place. I certainly wouldn't mind living there someday...but we. can't. live with each other!

He wants a divorce/He wants to work on it/He wants to move away from me/He hates me/He wants me to move with him/He IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

I really would like to see him move. Sadly enough. I don't know if he'd move without the kids and I.

We had a great time with the kids. When we got back home, I went to give him a hug, and he started to get playful. Long story short, we end up ML. To which, he gets up, looks at me and says, "this is the only reason you want to work on things."

Way to make me feel cheap, and completely turned off from sex for quite a while now.

So, now he wants me to talk to him. To tell him what I want. I told him that I would like to talk to him, but I'd like a counselor present (I need someone to moderate, make sure he understands, fair fighting types of things). Nope. No marriage counseling for him. So, I said, "I'm sorry. I REALLY need someone else to be present." Long story short...we're going to try to talk Sat afternoon. No counselor.

I'm tired of all this. I'm weary. I'm done. I honestly don't see our talk Sat going well, and I really don't have it in me to care. I'm not a bad person, really. I'm just so tired of it all.

[girlfromipanema]

RETRO.

Go find the newest thread by "husband" - I can't believe what has happened with his sitch. They went to RETRO last weekend and his life is changing in wonderful ways.

Tell your H that is what you want.

[Sara]

Girl is right. Retrouvaille has no counselors, no one sitting in with you. But they teach you the rules of conduct before you talk to each other. And they show you how to do it. And they give you questions that elicit positive responses not arguments. They teach you how to communicate effectively and fairly for the rest of your lives. It is the answer. And it is only 2 days. The website has the places and the dates, http://www.helpourmarriage.org. If there isn't one near you for a few months, take a mini vacation and go to one in a different area. It is worth it.

And yes, I know, he doesn't want to learn to communicate fairly and effectively, he wants you to cave in to his way. But that isn't happening, is it? So maybe he needs to compromise, and learn to compromise. This man does still want you.

[pisces9]

"So he tells me, "I'm tired of waiting for you to decide what to do. You told me you wanted me to be the leader in our home, so this is me leading. This is what you want, now you have to follow." nice.
I told him, "Being the leader in the home does not mean that you make major decisions like moving out of town without DISCUSSING IT!""

i agree that major decisions should be made together BUT he is saying he wants you to come.

ask him why he wants you to come- does he want to M to work? ask what he thinks would make your M different....

it seems he really wants to be with you...i agree ML can confuse things for everyone- although i am getting quite... .....

this doesnt have to be over and he may not want a counselor- why do you think you have to have one? DR says over and over you not need one..i thought thats what we needed too and was sure that was th only way- but now he is opening up to me a lot and i dont pressure him about a counselor- cops are very private about this stuff.