Too late for DB for us, #9 (was in separated)

[cw68]

My heart does love too much. I do still love the man I married. My H isn't the man I married, though. He has changed and I couldn't ever love him again now that I know the real man he has become. I love my family, I love the life we were supposed to make together. I miss it. Today I started packing and I'm running into all these reminders of our plans, our old love. The plate we bought when we went out to SF before moving there together. The aqua bottle of wine H bought while in Tahiti on our honeymoon. He never planned on drinking it, just thought it was "pretty" and wanted the visual reminder of our trip.

I just want THAT back. When the world was our oyster and we were full of possibilities.

I won't ever be that carefree again. That naive. That innocent.

This is my second marriage, so I know the stages. I ended the first marriage because my ex is an alcoholic and had drug use issues. But we didn't have kids. We didn't make a life together, a family together. I really thought I'd never get divorced again. I really thought I picked someone who also didn't believe in it. It was all a farce and I don't think I can ever trust my heart again.

That's why I'm full of anger and pain.