Another one joins the flock (Part II)

[Mike85]

Our friend Dave stopped by to drop off his son to play with my son (the kids are best friends). As some of you might remember, Dave was the one who called me a few weeks ago to tell me about the OM. After my wife made some pretty nasty accusations about Dave and his wife, including disparaging remarks about me, I was wisely advised by some of you to watch my back until I figured out who was up to what.

Well, Dave hung out for a bit and wanted to talk. I made the specific point of discussing all the great stuff related to my new job. We avoided discussing my wife for quite some time. What segued us into the discussion was the fact that the kids were with me today, instead of with wife.

As many here predicted, Dave told me that wife and OM are finding out that their "idyllic Eden" doesn't jibe with reality. The kids are an inconvenience for bf. The fact that their lake lifestyle costs $$$ is an inconvenience (the boat they bought is a money pit, and wife has had to work longer hours to put into it). Wife is also running into the reality of local folks' negative opinions of what she is doing.

Because I wasn't sure how far to trust Dave, I made a point of discussing the positive changes in my life - the excitement of the new job, finally learning how to run the house and deal with the finances, food shopping, etc., how busy I've been with friends stopping by and/or inviting me over, the increased fun times with the kids, and anything else I could think of. As I discussed this stuff, I realized how much stronger I genuinely *have* become (partly thanks to you wonderful folks and Michele's books).

I reiterated my intention to see this thing through, for as long as it takes. I made the point of talking about my reliance on faith/God, how I'm tighter with my kids, and how determined I am to stay strong for me and the kids. That I'm moving on with my life as she works her way through this MLC.

I thanked Dave (and told him to thank his wife for me) for being such wonderful friends and asked them to please try to keep the lines of communication open with my wife so that she feels that they are a "safe" place for her when things with OM go finally blow up (which, actually, Dave thinks is going to happen sooner rather than later...but I'm not counting on anything). The advice that someone here (Jack?) gave me about making sure that wife's folks stay a "safe" place for her was excellent, and I extended it to Dave and his wife, who live next door to wife and OM and who were close to both of us prior to wife's MLC. I do love my wife and genuinely worry about her well-being sometimes (OM being a recovering alcoholic who has relapsed twice in last six months), and I want her to have safe places to go.

For the first time in a few days, I feel optimistic. Thank you to everyone here who chimes in with pats on the back and kicks in the rear - I'm realizing that you guys are playing a big role in helping me through this.